How to deal with STBXH visiting and acting Mr Nice

[user9000]

After years of a crappy marriage I finally pulled the trigger and filed for separation. Mr 9000 moved out into a condo somewhere near his work (our house is in both our names). But in the meantime when he wants to see DC he pops back when he can or has been sleeping in the spare room. I often don't know until he's actually coming here. I don't know how long he is staying when he does. He can't have the DCs at his place as he says it's very small and there is no where for them to sleep. Also it is over 1 hour commute in good traffic. I don't even have an address. I don't think he would have the money for a bigger place as rent is at an all time historical high where we live.

This past weekend I broke down as I had spent two days watching him take the kids out for meals (as he refuses to cook in our house) and to the cinema, etc. I guess it reminded me of how awfully lonely I was in the marriage (his being only interested in the kids whenever he gave us a few hours)and made me upset.

He says he won't stay overnight again since it was upsetting me. He actually apologized. He has turned into Mr Nice acting like he cares about my feelings and everything whereas in the marriage when I was upset he told me 'go ahead and divorce me, I don't care'. So eventually I did but did anyone else XH suddenly turn into Mr Caring after the fact? Do they do it to mess with your mind? Or is it because the really don't care about you that they can be apologetic because it costs them nothing? There is nothing more for them to lose with you? How stupidly desperate am I to be affected by this?

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

He is a wolf in sheep's clothing. .
Make this your mantra. .
I fell for this years ago. We weren't married but got back together after he conned me into thinking he had changed. . We got married. Regretted it within a week. . I couldn't believe I had been such a fool. .

[user9000]

Ugh! I am sure nothing is meant by his new apparent niceness. He has never asked for us to get back together. I am a sad case for sure! Unfortunately our agreement is still in process...which is probably why he's acting all grown up about 15 years too late....

[RockPaperCut]

I hear you. Detach, show no interest in his actions. Ime he's trying to illicit a reaction from you.

My STBX is exactly the same. I've found it very hard not to be exasperated, all the simple things that I spent many years asking to be done, are now done without a single request. The lazy toad has turned into a semi-capable oaf. Yes too little too late here too. The love and respect has long gone . Not long now, until we no longer live under the same roof!