He's ran away

[needalittleL]

My friend is newly married (7months) and has just had a baby (5 week old).

She lives in London in a small flat as they are waiting for his transfer to the south west to come through (he's in civil service). It's a bedsit. They are both from extreme south west and their parents live there so not much support in London.

The birth was was traumatic for her (emergency c section) and she's struggled for the past weeks (mentally).

He's had some sort of meltdown and went back to his parents. He's not been hospitalised and is mentioning perhaps PTSD but no diagnosis.

My friend is so low, the baby is crying, she is crying and he's not saying when he will come back.

What do I advise her? Her parents are taking her home next week to stay with them for however long she needs.

I'm just so shocked he would leave her and the baby and a new marriage. He's not saying whether he will come back or not.

I have not said to her what I think she should do I have just given her practical help (giving her breaks, washing clothes etc) but I will have to go back to work on Monday. What do I do?

[Hermonie2016]

Unbelievable behaviour! Poor woman.

I think her family will be the best support.She just needs to focus on herself and the baby.What about finances? Has he stopped working or still getting paid?

[needalittleL]

He's on the sick- so getting oaid. Her family are elderly so they can't get here very fast.

I'm so sad for her.

[user1493022461]

PTSD from what?

[MyCalmX]

The poor lamb having PTSD with no fucking thought for his poor wife and dc.

She just needs to get through the next week until her dp arrive. Do you know anyone who can visit while you're at work, could you go during lunch?

I had a horrendous birth with dd1 then moved house a few days later with no support (family on the other side of the world) except dh. Without him I seriously would have considered jumping off a bridge. My dh was literally my lifeline.

[Suebromley]

My partner had this its a real condition like any mental heLth

[MrsTeller]

Suebromley It is a real condition but needs to be diagnosed, it's becoming one of those things people claim to have without any medical assessment now, like OCD.

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

I feel so sorry for your friend. It sounds like she's really lucky having you as a friend to help her during this time, so just keep doing you and being there for her!

Right now it might be good for her to get back to her parents to see where things go and get extra support. In terms of her DH, PTSD is a horrible issue to deal with (speaking as someone who has it), but it will have to be diagnosed properly for the proper help to be put in place for him.

All the best to you all.

[DancingLedge]

Until her parents arrive,
Take her food, ready to eat?
Visit when you can, but not more than you're able?
Let her know that she can contact you at any time?
Round up anyone else who could pop in- (but not the insensitive)?
Encourage her to contact HV- the best ones can be a brilliant listening ear?
Hug her and tell her that this too will pass.
Offer to pick up shopping, unless getting out makes her feel more human. ?

[PerspicaciaTick]

You just need to help tide her over until her parents arrive. I'd focus on the stuff that is physically hard (the shopping, laundry etc.), making sure she is eating and drinking and (if you have enough time) getting a nap while you sit with the baby, and being an ear for her.

Her DH is either a massive twunt or suffering from some form of mental illness. Only time will tell which unfortunately and in the mean time your friend's priority must be her baby and your priority is to hand her over the her parents in one piece.