Divorce and Pensions...

[captainflash]

Hi there- be grateful for any advice on this subject please.
My will be ex husband and I have been separated now for nearly 8 months and have decided to wait the standard 2 years of separation before divorcing.

We have 2 children, do not own any property or sizeable assets. Neither of us have savings. I have debt of around £8,000 accrued in my name during our marriage. He contributed to a lot of this debt but it is in my name as his credit score was so poor, he could not get any. I had to take it on.

We have no other assets other than my pension (teacher's- not final salary. Have no idea what it's worth. Teaching for 12 years upon separation) He has his own private pension scheme which he has only been paying into for 2 years.

He currently only gives me £30 a week in maintenance for the children and does not have them outside the family home. I provide all childcare and pay for everything myself. Although I currently earn around £500 a month more than him, our earnings have roughly been on par throughout our marriage- taking into account maternity leaves, early lower salary for me etc.

We are amicable and do not argue over the situation at all. The separation was led by me as I could no longer manage dealing with a lazy, third child who did nothing around the house and contributed very little financially whilst pissing his own finances up the wall.

When we divorce, how will this all be sorted? I think he had no idea of my pension at all. He has no clue about money and I don't think he even knows it exists. I have supported him and our family for years, even though he earns.
If we amicably agreed that's he maintains his lower maintenance and I take on all the family debt, do I have to give him any of my pension? (It would truly make my blood boil to do so!!!)
Any advice??

[GrumpyOldBag]

My advice is consult a good lawyer.

[LadyB49]

A good lawyer and make sure the deal 'buys' out his rights to any of your pension.

My DH' s first wife accepted £1k in exchange for any rights to his (substantial) pension. She was very foolish.

[LadyB49]

Op states there is no property asset.

[captainflash]

Thanks for your replies. I'll answer a couple of the points.
Yes- there is no property asset. We have rented this property for the last 10 years. The tenancy is currently in both our names but has gone out of my bank account the whole time. Due to his fecklessness with money, we have always maintained own bank accounts. Nothing is joint.

He doesn't have them outside the family home because he "has nowhere to take them". He has very few friends and no family here- his are abroad. On moving out of our home, he went to stay temporarily with a member of my family. It was supposed to be a month but he's still there! He doesn't pay her any rent. (Again- makes my blood boil!) He drops the children to school in the morning (takes around an hour of his day) and picks up once a week. He works shifts so it's difficult to get him to do more. He then has the children for around 20 hours from Sat pm to Sunday afternoon EOW. I have to leave the house during this time I have them all the school holidays.
I imagine this set up will continue. Despite maintaining he wants time with the children, he makes no effort to have them anymore. Even when I ask him to. He usually 'has plans'.

What I want to present is that I take on the debts accrued in exchange for no claim on pensions. I have spent years paying for everything whilst he pisses his money up the wall. I've scrimped and saved whilst he's earnt a similar amount but spent it on whatever he chose to. The fact he could then be entitled to 50% of a pension I have worked so hard for- really saddens me.

[SvartePetter]

How much should he pay in child maintenance according to cms?

[captainflash]

svartePetter It's difficult to know for sure as he won't actually tell me how much he earns. I've never really known for sure. On a conservative estimate, the CMS calculator puts it at over double what he currently gives me.

It's a hard situation. I need his help in the mornings the most. There's no way I can get the children to nursery and school and then myself to work on time. He knows this and blatantly takes advantage of it. That's his contribution and that's it near enough. If I ask for anything else in terms of childcare (like a night in the week for me to do parents evening for instance) I have to trade that off for one of my rare weekend nights. Even though it is a work thing I can't get out of. Makes me so sad but he says that since I initiated the split and took away his 'perfect life' (of course it was perfect- I did all the childcare, cleaning, housework and paid all the bills whilst he sat around playing Xbox), I can't expect to 'have my cake and eat it.'

[LadyB49]

Seeing a solicitor and sorting out child access could resolve some of your childcare difficulties.

[SvartePetter]

But if he paid proper child maintenance, then you could afford to source alternative childcare. Look into what your options are, breakfast club, au pair?

Anyway, you as a couple have assets, your pension and his pension. You have debts. This should technically be split 50/50. If I were you, then I would start by bluffing, ask to start the financial settlement and say that he is responsible for 50% of the debts. Don't mention the pensions unless he does. You have to sort this now, otherwise it will only get worse. And ask for the child maintenance and go to CMS if he is difficult.

[KatelovesJames]

Get a solicitor to agree something with him/his solicitor. My exh tried to claim my pension (also teachers), I could have let him/gone for a share of his (his isn't great) but the greedy A just wanted money so he settled.

[Hotheadwheresthecoldbath]

You need to get a cash equivalent value of your pension.I am in the situation where my Ex is claiming part of it just to mess with me as he stopped paying into his when we married.If I tried to keep it he will go for everything else.I am finding the whole process stressful and unfair.

[llhj]

Register with TP and you'll get an exact value of pension and the projected final value. You may have to get a signed agreement that you'll not touch each other's pensions. Be careful though, sounds like you could be the loser here, having lived with a loser for the last decade.