Husband leaving me

[Bridie1969]

My husband is always threatening to leave, he puts me down and calls me really nasty names. Last night he didn't get his own way and the verbal abuse came out again. I did stick up for myself this time which shocked him but he says he's leaving. I don't want to leave our home but is it right that if the house is to big and he can't afford anywhere else then we have to sell it? Really don't know what to do.

[Camnico]

Oh dear OP, are you okay? You really don't need to put up with his abuse. Next time he says I'm leaving say ok don't let the door hit you on the way out, then just walk away. He won't leave lol, just another man on a silly control / power trip. It's pathetic

[FlossymooToo]

This is not a silly power trip

Your husband verbally abuses you and then controls you with threats to leave.
This is not a healthy relationship.

Please contact wonenns aid they can give you advice and support. You dont have to live with abuse.

[Littlefoxy]

Agree with flossy call Women's Aid to talk it over in confidence.

[FairytalesAreBullshit]

Oh OP I'm in a similar situation, if you put your hand on your heart, do you think you should tolerate the shit he gives you. It's not on is it.

I know it's scary because things will be a little topsy turvy for a bit, but imagine your self esteem when you're not looking at the clock think, oh he's due home anytime now.

I would speak to a domestic abuse charity and see where you stand, also look at local housing associations, or ones close to family if you have a good relationship. Get your application in so you have a back up.

I can't remember if you mentioned any DC, but from what I'm aware if you're going for sole custody then it's him that should leave.

You know by now how the cycle works, he'll be all apologetic and sorry, then you have the walking on egg shells moment till he does it again.

You deserve better than that. You honestly do.

How are you feeling apart from shock?

[Bridie1969]

Thanks everyone. Stupid thing is he says he really lives me and does look after me. Its such a weird one. I've asked him if there's anyone else, he swears not. Routines haven't changed and mobile phone always left lying around. I asked him if he just doesn't love me and he says he really loves me. He would never go and see anyone, to stubborn and proud for that. In going to call his bluff. If he goes then he goes. I'm not begging him to stay or showing my upset to him. I'm worn out from it all. The reason he gets upset and wants to leave is because ..... Wait for it ..... He hates our rescue dog. He says she smells. I suppose all dogs smell a little bit. I just can't believe he gets so angry about her and he gives me an ultimatum, me or the dog. I've told him I'm not answering him, that's when he goes into one. Calls me selfish and other names. I think a man wanting to leave his family because of a dog is pathetic. Comical in fact! Am I being selfish?

[Jaybee99]

Oh Bridie, he really has to go, the husband that is... This is what meant by controlling and bullying behaviour. It just isn't on. You will be fine on your own without him, you really will.

[Bridie1969]

I think you are right. Just needed to make sure I wasn't going mad and it wasn't me. Thank you.

[FairytalesAreBullshit]

I can get the dog thing, I have a strong sense of smell, so dogs can make me rather nauseated. I would say to him, so you're saying I get rid of the dog, the moaning and bitching stops? It's a hard one as the dog could go and the behaviour remains, which means a double loss. But I would be tempted to say, if I agree to 'x' you're promising 'y' no excuses. A good thing to do if you can is put the dog into a holiday home for a week and see how he behaves. Tell him he's got to prove himself which isn't unfair.

[JanetBrown2015]

I would never live with a dog actually.

If the house is bigger than your needs then like me you can buy him out remortgage adn pay him off (that is what I did). If you don't earn anthing or not much and he earns more the position will be different however as you won't be able to afford to buy him out.

[Littlefoxy]

So he agreed to get a dog & now he's discovered he doesn't like dog smells he wants to leave? The dog smell is more important to him then your relationship? That's just bizarre (and I really am not a dog person). If he's unhappy he should talk to you and try to find a solution like a proper adult. Not throw a strop & threaten to leave. FFS he needs to buy some febreeze, some dog shampoo & grow up.