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Thinking of asking for separation

(7 Posts)
backwardnames Sun 23-Apr-17 21:50:37

We have been together 13 years and have two DCs. Over the past year I have definitely had one foot outside the relationship - he has had no qualms about pu tting me down and is rearly unaffectionate. A few weeks ago our relationship reached crisis point and we has the staying / leaving chat. He has been trying really hard but in my mind I am just thinking of how I might leave him and how it would affect the children. I was hoping that when we made the decision to give it one last shot I might feel differently but I really don't. A part of me still likes him (just not love him) and I want him to have a good relationship with the children. I just worry how awful it might be for the kids if we separate. Is it likely I will get to a better place with him at some point? I don't want to give up if there is something worth salvaging but I am also aware that hanging on might make it harder to leave in the long term and be harder for the kids.

Hermonie2016 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:09:09

Divorce can be a really tough process and takes a few years to go through, emotionally speaking.
I would however leave a marriage if there is abuse and putting you down is emotional abuse but it seems you and your dh have agreed a way forward from that.
If you are sure he's unlikely to change then separation is something to consider and the younger the children the easier it is on them.

If you feel he will change then give it a while, trust comes back slowly and you need to reconnect with each other for the loving feelings to return.Liking your husband however is a good sign as well as having fun together.Affection however is also important as it's the difference between a marriage and a friendship.

Would he seek counselling with you or even just read relationship books? I feel 10-15 years is a difficult stage for marriages and seems "maintenance" is needed to keep a marriage afloat.

backwardnames Sun 23-Apr-17 22:38:01

I think he might try counselling but he does have an aversion to talking about stuff. I feel really confused at the moment. It seems there is so much to think about.

happydays2017 Sun 23-Apr-17 23:08:17

Please give counselling a go, if it doesn't work, a good counsellor will help you split up with less acrimony if that's what is best for you both, it will certainly be best for your DC's

ImperialBlether Sun 23-Apr-17 23:15:24

Does he say he wants to live with you? What's his reasoning behind his behaviour?

I think there are times when divorce is right, but you seem uncertain here. Does he ever treat you well?

JanetBrown2015 Mon 24-Apr-17 12:30:30

From the legal side, are you married or living together (makes a big difference on separation in terms of finances)?

backwardnames Tue 25-Apr-17 22:49:52

Sorry I have taken so long to reply. We have been married 10 years of the 13. Up until we hit crisis point two weeks ago he really wasn't very nice to me and we fought all the time and he over ruled every thing I did. He admitted that he hasn't been very nice and has been making a big effort since then.

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