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What do I do for the best?(14 Posts)
We split up end of Dec. 2 DC under 7. House joint owned mortgage. Currently amicable. I am totally fed up of living with him as he doesn't go anywhere and I sleep on the sofa every night that I am there if I haven't managed to stay out say once a week at a friends.
House is tiny cottage that needs lots of work. It's a 1 1/2 bed, tiny back bedroom has bunk beds in and that's it (that's how small it is) and is in negative equity. Kids keep asking for own rooms.
Mortgage was with NRAM at peak purchase. Now with Landmark mortgages around £59k left.
OH earns much less than me. We are finally having proper 'discussions' now.
So my options are:
1. Transfer current mortgage into my name, take on house, bills etc Give him 5k (take out loan?)
2. Sell house. Could take ages and would like not to live this way for the unknown!
3. Transfer house over to him although he could not afford it tbh.
4. Anything else?
If it's in negative equity why would you do 1? If you take on the mortgage you are taking on his proportion of debt, then you are putting yourself in more debt by giving him 5 grand. I presume also you would have the kids living with you which means you would be paying the lions share of the cost of bringing them up, and at their ages that's a long time.
If you have no savings or anything else of any worth between you an the only real asset is the house, either.
1. Take over the mortgage and he can pay you for taking on his debt and homeing his children.
2. Sell the house and work out what % of debt each of you will take on of the -ve equity.
Do NOT put yourself in major debt and take on all the financial burdens and give him more money, he chose the debt as much as you did and he needs to take on some of the responsibility for it as well as the responsibility for making sure there is a roof over his DCs heads.
Be glad your STBXH has a job so cannot easily shirk his responsibilities.
Thank you for sound advice.
I think the problem is I have been paying his way for many years and he has nothing to give me really other than half mortgage/bills. I'm not expecting him to be able to contribute anything moving forwards tbh.
I think ideally you should try to move to your future house asap so its 1 move only.How much negative equity? Could you afford to buy a 2 or 3 bed on current salary? Is there anyone who could help you, like family.
If you can afford to move to another property then I would sell or get him to take on the house.I'm guessing you are not SE as can't imagine any house available for 60k!
Completely agree though don't take on his debt, if he earns he will have to pay something going forwards.
Family will not 'help' until we are divorced so I'm looking at 2 years which hasn't even started yet as he hasn't left.
Potentially - yes I could buy a new home but have no idea how long it would take to sell this one. I'm running out of time as sleeping on the sofa and still seeing him everyday is becoming just intolerable.
I've just got off the phone from my bank and have an appointment Mon 09:30. I am paying 457 a month for the house as I have never reviewed the mortgage so am hoping the bank can help me with this!
Thanks for your posts.
It sounds as if you are having a tough time. One point, though, it is however possible to legally separate even though you still live in the same place, just by declaration, I understand. All the best.
Does anyone know if you can dissolve the marriage? Without citing unreasonable behaviour? I've read about applying online but just can't really work it out :S
So the bank gave me a mortgage in principle I just have to try and replace the bath/bath tap and have a lintel put over the window out back on Saturday before the valuation Tuesday !! Luckily there's time. Unless the back of the house falls off then I'm screwed :/
If the house is in negative equity and there's no other assets why are you proposing to give him some money? If he agrees to take on the mortgage then you could give him half the outstanding debt, but you'd need something for deposit on a rental for you and the children.
Wrt the house, is there the possibility to extend? Not suggesting you do it, but if you got plans and pp then it may make it easier to sell.
And sympathies, this stage is horrible but it does get better x
I think the only way to divorce before 2 years is up is unreasonable behaviour. It's only after the 2 year stage you can go for the no fault option
If you haven't lived apart for 2 years plus then your only options are adultery or unreasonable behaviour.
Most people can come up with enough to get a UB petition together.
Why do you not want to be with him? What has gone wrong? UB doesn't have to be abuse!
Also 2 years requires his consent.
Thanks for the replies.
We finished in Oct and discussed what we were going to do last week of Dec. No going back. We are amicable- for now. Someone told him you can 'dissolve' the marriage but I think that's just in the states...
No, it's English. You are asking the Court for a decree dissolving your marriage, or a decree of dissolution, aka a divorce.
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