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He wants 50/50. What are his chances?

(17 Posts)
GaelicSiog Thu 20-Apr-17 15:20:01

Not sure if I'm posting in the right section. Ex has announced this week he will be going back to court to seek 50/50 for DD. Whether he's serious or not, I don't know.

There is a long, long backstory, but I will try to keep it brief. He had no contact until she was about 2, this changed when he went to court for access. When DD was born he denied she was his (and there is a lot more to that but I'll try and keep it brief) then did a u turn in court and claimed I had kept my pregnancy from him and denied him contact. Court believed him, he got gradual introduction to DD in a contact centre increased eventually to EOW. DD is now 7, she is adamant she does not want to live there 50/50, but she is only 7. How likely is he to get 50/50 if he took it back to court?

peggyundercrackers Thu 20-Apr-17 15:34:45

i would think he is likely to get it if he asks for it and there are no real reasons for him not to get it. a 7yr old saying they don't want to wont count as a good reason not to do it.

babybarrister Thu 20-Apr-17 15:55:56

court will look at future and not at past. decision will be based on DD welfare and not her wishes given her age

GaelicSiog Thu 20-Apr-17 16:00:58

He became physically and emotionally abusive when I tried to leave him the first time. I stayed far too long after that, eventually got myself out. Few months later I had a late pregnancy discovery at we think about 7 months. It was a really, really horrific time. Ex denied DD was his and said I was trying to win him back. He moved in with new partner and her kids a couple of weeks later. He had no contact with either of us until he decided DD was his after all and took it to court. I had stupidly deleted the message history because as far as I had been concerned at the time he www history and that was that. In court he claimed I had hidden my pregnancy from him and denied him access since DD was born. Which was clearly crap because I'd had no prenatal care at the usual points you would if you were pregnant and aware of it. If I had known how it would turn out I would have left more of a paper trial when I left him than I did. Court gave him arrangement described in first post, he slowly built up to having her EOW.

I really, really do not want 50/50 with him just because of that. I didn't want EOW. He's never been a bad father to her, but I don't want him around her. He and new partner have 6 kids between them including DD, are planning number 7. All others are more or less full time resident. They don't even have a set sleeping arrangement for DD there now, they live too far away for them to be dropping her at school and there have been various incidents particularly recently of the kids not being treated fairly. I want to think that makes a difference but I don't know that it will.

WannaBe Thu 20-Apr-17 16:06:25

As there is no documented evidence of the past issues these will not be able to be taken into account in court. What the courts will be interested in is the best interests of the child. Also, things like relationships with siblings will be considered as well.

GaelicSiog Thu 20-Apr-17 16:17:00

Yes, that's what I thought wannabe. Not a great relationship with her step siblings. The bedroom situation has arisen lately because new partner's DD1 has decided she is no longer happy to share with DD on contact weekends. Sometimes they manage to reason with her, most weekends she invites a friend for a sleepover who takes the trundle bed, DD is on the sofa bed in the lounge. DD will tell you that. Ex will put a whole different spin on it. Also lots of issues with new partners DS1 who is a few months older than DD. They don't get on, ex favours DS1 (his stepson). They haven't invited her on a family trip out not on a contact weekend since their twins were born and deliberately avoid doing anything like that on contact weekends.

There are hospital records, the problem is they don't prove it was Ex.

Hermonie2016 Thu 20-Apr-17 16:44:26

If he applies to court and there is no agreement cafcass will be involved.Factors such as time to school, space etc could be relevant.

What is his rational for 50/50? Is he requesting a split week or 1 week on/off? I guess he may also be encouraged to go to mediation as a first step.

Try not to worry yet, let him take the necessary steps.If he takes it further is there a support person in school who your daughter could raise her concerns with? Someone she can talk to do discuss worries about more time with her father.
Any additional info from a neutral person, trained in childrens support,would be heard positively in court.

GaelicSiog Thu 20-Apr-17 16:59:26

His rationale is we've just had a dispute over something else and he's threatening to go back to court for 50/50 hmm he may not be serious, but nobody thought he would get the deal he did last time. Neutral figure at school is a good idea, although she is probably more likely to talk to her sports coach.

Current arrangement he has her EOW Friday evening to Sunday evening. Unless she has a sports comp/school event etc. Then it's "my" weekend.

WannaBe Thu 20-Apr-17 17:33:54

The sibling relationships which will be taken into account are those with the half siblings the argument being that more time spent there is important for cultivation of a relationship between the siblings - iyswim.

How far away is he from school?

GaelicSiog Thu 20-Apr-17 18:04:28

Two half siblings, twins age 3. they're trying for half sibling number 3, child number 7. Despite not having space for DD to have a permanent sleeping arrangement. She's not particularly close with them, closer with the middle step child. But again, not close. Twins are 3, so 4 year age gap, they have very little in common.

They're half an hour from me, DD's school is about 40 mins. Their kids go to school local to them, partner does the school run. Currently he's telling me they can't do Monday mornings because they can't get her to school, so no idea how he expects that to work.

Dozer Thu 20-Apr-17 18:07:12

Document that.

abbsisspartacus Thu 20-Apr-17 18:08:40

Pretty sure he wants you to collect her and do the school run or switch her school

cansu Thu 20-Apr-17 18:12:03

He may well be trying to intimidate you and I can't for the life of me see why he would want to take on another child if he has so much going on. Is it possible he wants to drop the maintenance?? Anyway as there is little you can do I would call his bluff. Say that you don't think it's a good idea but that of course it is his decision if he wishes to ask for a change. Surely it will cost him money to go to court? It will also make his life more expensive and difficult generally whilst making yours easier in childcare terms (although you obviously prefer to have your dd with you). I would then appear unconcerned because if he thinks he is upsetting you then he will carry on.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Thu 20-Apr-17 18:13:26

Thinking of the logistics of sleeping arrangements /school /their busy life - can they really accommodate dd 50/50? I wouldn't be too worried. .
Sounds like he is trying to not have to pay cms. .

KarmaNoMore Thu 20-Apr-17 18:19:53

Some people threaten 50/50 as away to bring you down in line to their wishes. They know you care about the child so they try to hit you were it hits the most.

There are some very good arguments for 50/50 and there are some very good arguments against it. The only thing I can suggest is to star researching why it is not a good idea to have such an agreement in this particular case.

The same judge that grants 50/50 is the same judge that rejects it, it all depends on how clear the arguments are, the judge will concentrate on ensuring the best possible outcome in terms of your child's welfare. Being abusive will have a bearing BUT don't even think of going via that route unless you have some good proof about ut, otherwise it will go nowhere but will make life far more difficult for DD and yourself.

50/50 is not as common as it seems to be in Mumsnet.

GaelicSiog Thu 20-Apr-17 19:17:06

That's reassuring, thank you. I've documented everything this time. It would cost him more money to go back to court, but money spent getting at me is money well spent in his eyes. No one thought he would get anything before access wise. I do think it's possible he could be trying to pay less too. He is very financially responsible for his 3 step kids.

I tried the abuse route last time. Hospital suspected domestic violence I think but I wouldn't talk so couldn't do much about it. Not really evidence. My main objection from court perspective would be its just hugely unrealistic. I presume they would want to move her to their DCs school. Hell no.

abbsisspartacus Fri 21-Apr-17 06:20:09

Be clear and impersonal with your reasons against 50/50 ie I feel it's impractical because of schooling/sleeping arrangement etc don't focus on personal relationship between children or things you can't prove

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