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I'm scared he's going to contest the divorce. Any experience anyone?

(14 Posts)
ANewDawn Tue 18-Apr-17 16:08:05

I'm waiting to see how he responds to the divorce petition and I'm starting to get very nervous.

He's dragged his heels for nearly a year (more fool me for allowing him to do that). I emailed him to ask him to reply to the petition and he blew up accusing g me of being a bully, underhand etc. He has only just got round to getting advice, on the phone and i'm really worried that he'll just hear what he wants to hear.

I also wonder if he's got decent advice because he was spouting crap recently about stuff he blatantly has got wrong. From another 'solicitor' on the phone. I don't even know if he's had a face to face appointment. He said he had but then said its ok, he's got advice and he knows what hes going to do. I noticed some notes he'd obviously made, soliticotrs names and numbers. Beside this he'd written 'do not accept'. I could be reading too much into it but its playing on my mind.

for some background, the last point on the petition was an incident when he tried to forcefully grab my phone and the kids saw. I wanted to leave this out but the solicitor said we should keep it in. She said that she wanted it bullet proof incase he decided to contest the divorce. It was all reported to the police. For my part, I wish I'd got him arrested now. Fucker. I was trying to do it nicely.

I hope i'm worrying about nothing. Has anyone else had their STBXH contest the divorce?

Tingatingatale Wed 19-Apr-17 09:46:31

No but I filed mine last week and I know my exh will contest it. I also included in there that he used to shout at me in front of the children and they used to beg him to stop. He has told me he will divorce when he wants and no sooner. There is a clause in mine that if he refuses to sign then he pays, if he contests that he pays. Hoping that makes the difference

Minime85 Wed 19-Apr-17 12:30:43

What did you divorce him for?

Hermonie2016 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:09:01

It's really unlikely he will contest as solicitors will strongly advise against it.I guess he can ignore the petition which isn't ideal but there are ways around this.

What about finances, is he discussing details with you?

I pushed for the divorce when ex wasn't ready and I think that made him more hostile than he needed to be.In reflection I wish I had moved forwards finances as getting agreement means you can re build your life.I am at decree nisi stage but months from finances so it feels like limbo.

murrell0cherri Thu 20-Apr-17 08:23:48

Defended divorces are very rare, as reputable solicitors generally advise against them and the court doesn't want to force people to stay together.

This doesn't mean that your husband/the respondent will take their advice.

So I think we need to be clear about what can actually happen.

It is not possible to simply deny a divorce application or ignore it.

If a party doesn't want to get divorced they must provide the court with a formal response and use a specific procedure.

It is not enough to simply say I do not agree or ignore the application (although many do) but there are ways around this.

What Respondents can do is be difficult and prolong the process.

And it sounds like this may be what your husband is doing.

On the plus side when people realise the effort and money involved in defending a divorce application they generally change tact.

People say silly things when they are upset and angry and in the heat of the moment. They will try and influence you and scare you.

I know its hard but try not to let him rile you, you can not control his actions but you can control your response, and you DO have legal options if he doesn't comply.

Let his solicitors do the work, which he will be paying for and explain what his REAL options are and the likely costs that he will incur.

He might shop around for advice that suits his needs.

But the court requires a response within 7 days (allow working days) and this factor does not change and even disreputable solicitors have to work within the rules of the court.

It feels counter intuitive but perhaps give him a bit a time, he will eventually realise what his real options are, and if he doesn't there are options that are available to you to progress the matter.

Hope this helps.

ANewDawn Thu 20-Apr-17 09:45:42

Thanks for all your replies. I am hoping he will calm down and just get on with it. My sol said he has 14 days?? In any case, what happens if he just ignores it?

We are nowhere near finances. He's got all my info but I have got nothing from him. He will fight tooth and nail because he's got issues with money and he's a complete tight arse.

Hermonie2016 Thu 20-Apr-17 16:30:08

Anewdawn, I am similar position with finances but as time has gone on I'm feeling more relaxed about the outcome, more an acceptance of what will be.We are fortunate that the law will try to ensure that the children's needs are met.

I'm sure I will be full of dread as court approaches but I know from my friends experiences that generally a balance is struck.

ANewDawn Fri 21-Apr-17 11:34:09

I know that he'll shoot himself in the foot if he blindly gets into a rage, like he has done before. I donn;t want all that though, I just want him to get on with it and be reasonable.. sigh.

JanetBrown2015 Fri 21-Apr-17 12:56:23

We sent my ex a draft petition to his solicitor so he could cut out bits he wanted to and then he accepted the divorce was inevitable. I did cut a good bit out he objected to although it was all true.

Those using solicitors for divorce petitions on unreasonable behaviour at present probably have good advice on how to make sure you say enough that it cannot be thrown out.

My ex said he'd kill himself if I divorced him - he did not. Then that he would move abroad and we would never see him. He moved 5 minutes away once everything including absolute, finances and money transfer to him was done.

Mermaidinthesea123 Sat 22-Apr-17 12:27:30

Look he'd be bloody stupid to contest it, my first husband contested our divorce 20 years ago.
It took five years of thrashing it out in court and our £350,000 house was gone in court costs.
The minimum court cost for this type of thing is £30,000 so if neither of you has legal aid it is suicidal. Even if one of you does have legal aid your settlement will go to pay court costs.
My solicitor said don't go to court you will lose everything. Not worth it.

Mermaidinthesea123 Sat 22-Apr-17 12:29:53

They court can't force you to stay together anyway. I'd just move out and then it's just a matter of waiting a few years before the divorce is automatic. It's just irritating though.

JanetBrown2015 Sun 23-Apr-17 11:07:24

(Don't move out unless your soliciotor says so or there is violence, if you own a house or have a hard to get tenancy)

motheroreily Tue 02-May-17 19:51:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JanetBrown2015 Tue 02-May-17 20:43:23

£3k more a year is not a huge difference particularly once you take often 32% tax and NI off that, guessing a net £2k a year difference. So basically earn similar amounts. It is what you earn now not when you separated that matters in England (scottish law differs).

The starting point is 50% of joint assets after debts taken off - that is assets now usually. So there is probably a mortgage on the h ouse you both own - take that off and work out the net value of the house and then add on his savings (and yours if you have any) and deduct any other debts you both have to get the family net assets. Divided in half. It is very hard to know on here though as we don't know if you have children, who they live with, who pays for their childcare etc etc. if the family home has negative equity in it or £200k equity.

It is highly likely neither of you will pay the other spousal maintenance and you will go for a clean break. One of you could buy the other out of the house you both own if you can afford it and take the other off the mortgatge if the lender will allow that Can your ex afford to remortgage and release equity or give you savings to buy our your half of the house? If so then 50% of the joint assets as I say above is likely what he would have to pay you roughly. Also check pensions

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