The title says it all. Historically bad behaviour from him, porn addiction, camming, online affairs. I've tried to save it, and then later have been trying to end it, lack of confidence and insecurity stopped me. 10yr Marriage is now dead in the water, no sex for 3 years, separate rooms, no trust, just a waste of fucking time.
But he won't have it. I know he's not happy but does not want to live apart from his kids and is refusing to accept that it's over. I ended it last week but I'm just not getting through to him that it's not working. We are hurting the kids with this model of relationships.
Anyone been through this? Is it a phase that we/he will work through? At the moment he is swinging between being a vortex of doom, a nasty bastard and father of the year. I'm so fucking tired and I just want to move on.
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Divorce/separation
Dh won't accept it's over
thistoosha11pass · 16/04/2017 22:32
it's so draining isn't it??
I'm my case I just had to keep raising the issue. Repeatedly asked for him to attend mediation with me to discuss separating and logistics but wouldn't so told him I was going to solicitor. I don't think he actually believed me until the letters from solicitor hit the doormat. Just waiting to hear back on draft divorce petition from his solicitors now so can be submitted and 70% there on discussing finances. Good luck... if anything it proves to yourself that there is DEFINITELY more to life than this! Xxx
It is utterly draining, sorry you are going through it too and well done on getting as far as you have👍🏻
He is depressed and clinging on to the kids like some kind of life raft. The thing is, I so want it to be amicable, i could be a bitch from hell, I could have booted him out when o found his profile on adult friend finder but I didn't should have in hindsight.
He has always been a bit of a victim, despite having a good job, there is a lot of poor me, his health isn't great but he does very little to address it, self care is poor, doesn't brush his teeth for example. Classic depression, but I can't spend the rest of my life managing him 
I think I'll sink in to my own depression again soon if I don't get away, my poor kids.
Bigchris I have a part time job, do all the school runs, clubs, dinner, half of bedtimes so I want to stay in this house. It's near their school, it's in the children's best interest to stay here. He just keeps saying he's not going
He swings from saying in the past that he'll move away to now he wants 50:50.
I will google the stages of grief, perhaps this is part of it. I think I need to harden up and get on with it. I worry if I push him he will say inappropriate things in front of the kids. He's already told my dad "mummy doesn't want me to have fun, just work until I die" and last week he told me he wanted me to die! Life is too bloody short
Christ OP your STBXH sounds just like mine. He is Mr Victim and has his head firmly stuck in the sand. He's also talked about suicide. And I detest him for telling our 12 yo DD that too. Fucker
I've tried doing it nicely but he's played on my heartstrings and dragged things out. It's been nearly a year, I'm a fool.
He's been served with the divorce petition. I'm now on tenterhooks as he's only had legal advice on the phone the other day 
he had a rant about all that saying I'm a bully and I'm underhand. Just because I asked him to reply to the petition. I also said if he wanted to contest it, the lawyers would be the only winners and our legal fees would be eye watering.
My advice; just crack on with it as quickly as possible. Don't engage and quietly scream inside 
Anewdawn I'm sad but glad I'm not the only one my friend told me today " you are the lead character in your story, you can choose the next chapter". She is damn right and I know that's exactly what I need to do. It's bloody hard though! I'm so used to rolling over, it will be hard to stick to my guns and make my life better. Detach detach detach
Well after another long conversation last night he said "if we end it..." I said what do you mean IF??! I ended it last week! Cue more crying, "I can't believe it", "you've not given me a chance blah blah
I literally repeated myself and now I'm feeling sorry for him again. His mental health is poor and he is having medical tests for a chronic condition and his dad died last year. So not good timing but it never has been really. I feel so guilty as he will literally try any tack so I'll back down, us staying together for him seems to be about keeping the status quo not feelings
I feel so trapped.
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Sounds so familiar. Mine also said it wasn't fair because I hadn't given him a chance. No, not me, I gave him no chances over the last few years Bloody cheek. The amount of times was unreal. Maybe I should have given him an ultimatum but that still wouldn't have been fair.
He also did the same and said he was too ill, too stressed, too busy blah blah blah. Cue a years wait. And he still accuses me of rushing himm, putting him under pressure, being unfair. I know I can't win now. Back away slowly is my motto! I did bite earlier on an email. I should know better...
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