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Separated but living together, husband dating

(17 Posts)
macchiato34 Fri 14-Apr-17 19:15:43

My husband and I decided to separate amicably last year. We will be living together for at least another year due to mortgage/financial reasons. He has started dating someone in the last 4 weeks, who is in the middle of a divorce. I am feeling pressure from him to tell the kids about our split, however I don't know what we would tell them until one of us moves out (they are both under 7). I feel the reason he wants to hurry this up is due to pressure from his new gf. Do you have any advice?

OP’s posts: |
grannytomine Fri 14-Apr-17 19:23:38

It must be very difficult for you but I agree that the children are bound to be confused if you tell them before he moves out. It isn't up to whoever he is dating.

macchiato34 Fri 14-Apr-17 19:26:03

TY. I fear it's her dictating the speed things are happening. The kids are too young to understand adult relationships IMO. We've had separate bedrooms for months and they've not really even noticed!

OP’s posts: |
ivykaty44 Fri 14-Apr-17 19:26:21

Why are you still living together? Surely this isn't healthy to stay living in the same house when you are seperate?

macchiato34 Fri 14-Apr-17 19:39:30

As mentioned, it's due to financial reasons. It's certainly not emotionally healthy, I'll give you that.

OP’s posts: |
expatinscotland Fri 14-Apr-17 19:42:48

Tell him no, not telling until he moves out. Why can't he go and live with his new thing?

DevelopingDetritus Fri 14-Apr-17 19:47:14

The man's being selfish. The new women dictating what goes on in your house, jeez.

ivykaty44 Fri 14-Apr-17 20:00:25

I've been penny less of and single but that was far better than living with an ex dating someone else and having to hide it from DC

Your emotional health and that of your DC is more important, i would look at one of you moving out or selling and both moving on

macchiato34 Fri 14-Apr-17 20:04:05

TY all, was beginning to feel like I'm the one being unreasonable. I appreciate it x

OP’s posts: |
borninanebula Fri 14-Apr-17 23:11:10

very disrespectful as you still living together. he needs to leave.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 15-Apr-17 08:36:41

The woman gets the blame of course. When OP's STBXH has a mind of his own and wouldn't be led if he didn't want to be. And besides, if the woman who told him the living arrangements were bizarre she wasn't wrong.

Anyway, I think he needs to move out as it's clearly impossible to have a relationship while you are living together. But to be honest he's doing nothing wrong in having another relationship if you're not a couple anymore. It's just not going to sustain the current set up which is probably for the best.

CreamTeaTotty Mon 17-Apr-17 18:31:51

Just sending sympathy really. This has been my reality for YEARS. I'm divorcing him, but he still won't leave the marital home. His GF is married.

Newman2018 Mon 07-Jan-19 13:55:54

I’m just resurrecting this thread.

I wonder what happened to the OP or any of the other posters. This could be my world soon and interested to know if it can work.

Newman2018 Mon 07-Jan-19 14:19:00

Should clarify what I mean by my world ..... I mean separated and living together. No one is dating yet.

Crouchendmumoftwo Mon 07-Jan-19 17:25:53

Dont do it, unless you feel comfortable babysitting your kids while he is off on dates. That is what happened to me, only behind my back as he was lying. It was awful.

newstart18 Mon 14-Jan-19 23:33:15

Hi, we broke up well over a year ago and the divorce came thru in August and living in the same house is a killer, would not recommend it at all, especially as my ex cannot be amicable and his behaviour is sometimes threatening and shouty when the children can hear him. It was never meant to go on this long but between house sales taking ages, him on anti D's and me not wanting to make him worse and now I can buy him out, which actually makes his behaviour worse. its toxic and the children suffer the most and i hate it. Currently in process of getting house deeds transfer sorted and Ill give him lump sum before the financial order is approved as its been rejected once already and takes so long we cant stay here any longer together. If he wanted to go out on dates, Id be over the moon if he had something to distract him from hating me and making life difficult and if he was actually happy then it would be easier all round. good luck

dreamer49 Wed 06-Nov-19 18:47:02

just found out 4 weeks ago my husband has been having an affair for 6 months he is in his 60s she is 33 years younger than him
he then said he wants a separation I am gutted
I am staying in the same house but in one bedroom I cant afford to move out I hate the way I feal

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