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Dispute with child's father

(9 Posts)
user1491946566 Tue 11-Apr-17 22:46:12

Hello. Me and partner having dispute with child's father. He brings her home late on school nights such as 9pm so she exhuafed next day. She has been stopped to stay over night as the next day she comes back exhausted and cannot move off the couch & in such a mood! She is given coffee with about 3 sugars when she is there and Lolly after lolly. Child's father still lives with his mother who has threatened me,smokes at back door in front of my daughter,has bipolar and been on tag for racial abuse. They try to influence her mind by telling her things such as mum is a rat! She loves my partner and refers to him as her step dad but dad keeps saying to her no he isn't you only have me! We are now going through with court as her father wants her to stay overnight and we won't allow it. Sticking to day visit on a weekend. Any suggestions? As it's really upsetting to have my daughter go through this... thanks

Mombie2016 Tue 11-Apr-17 22:47:26

How old is she?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Tue 11-Apr-17 22:49:02

Slinds dreadful but age is crucial i think.

user1491946566 Tue 11-Apr-17 22:50:19

She's 5

Quartz2208 Wed 12-Apr-17 08:41:51

What are your reasons for no overnight stays. Unless there are very good safeguarding reasons (and sadly I'm not sure what you describe with your mil will do) the court will grant overnight access probably every other weekend at her age.

Do you have legal advice

AtSea1979 Wed 12-Apr-17 08:48:59

The bit about your partner is irrelevant. This is between you and your ex. If she's only 5 then you haven't been with DP long enough for her to call him "step dad" she should use his name.
As for her dad, that doesn't sound good but unfortunately there is no safeguarding concern. Lots of kids in Europe drink coffee. She is smoking at the door etc. It's awful but I doubt the court will stop overnight contact. In fact their start point is 50/50 now so if I was you I'd try to avoid court and negotiate something with her dad.

Hermonie2016 Wed 12-Apr-17 13:30:40

Is your daughter at school? I doubt you can stop overnights as whilst his behaviour isn't brilliant it would be unlikely to stop contact.

You should not involve your partner as that isnt really appropriate as it's very possible your relationship will not definitely last.

The courts will support your daughter to have a relationship with both parents.Overnight every other weekend might not be too bad as she could come back Sunday before school.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Wed 12-Apr-17 13:34:11

She shouldn't be calling your partner dad. He also shouldn't be getting involved in court proceedings.

There is nothing that you have said imo that would stop a court awarding overnight stays.

Ellisandra Wed 12-Apr-17 19:42:46

My first thought was also that this is a dispute for you, not you and your boyfriend. I was irritated by the "we" won't allow overnights. It's not his child.

It is horrible not having control over things like bedtimes when it impacts your child's wellbeing - I feel for you. Keep a detailed record of late nights and negative comments about your boyfriend - and speak to a solicitor about how best to present your concerns in court.

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