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emotional guilt yet again

(5 Posts)
misswhatdoto2 Sat 25-Mar-17 10:19:13

I have instructed solicitors to start divorce proceedings and arrange financial agreements. Based on previous conversations he refused what I offered of 50:50 and felt he was entitled to more. After arguing he said he was willing for it to get nasty and involve solicitors.

Now he has received the paperwork and form e to fill in he is backing down and saying yes 50:50 and not to involve solicitors. If I involve solicitors he is requesting I pay his fees as he cannot afford it.

The divorce is all at my decision. He does not want it but has finally agreed to sell and split with the children with me.

He does not want mediation and feels we should just sort it between ourselves, but after receiving legal advise I know I was offering more than required put of guilt.

I am already going to pay the court fees for divorce but am sorely tempted to offer him £1000 towards solicitors so that I get the best deal in the long run. There are young children involved and borrowing my legal money from family to pay back once the house is sold so want to try and keep as amicable as possible whilst still making sure children and I are provided for long term.

I understand his feelings. He does not want divorce.. I do. He will be missing out on day to day stuff with children and wants to be able to afford somewhere to live. However, I'm scared of backing down too much out of guilt so think possibly giving him £1000 towards his costs will be a small investment to get a fair outcome

Rainybo Sat 25-Mar-17 12:58:05

My first thought was to wonder what things were like financially (and otherwise) within your marriage - did you take care of him a lot?

I think you are letting your guilt run the show. He sounds like a manboy to me. Do the children live with you? Why did he think he was entitled to more than you?

I think he has something financial to hide or he knows that you will get more than 50/50. He's not thinking of you or the children in that situation is he? You're separated, he is an adult, he is responsible for his own finances. That doesn't stop you getting a fair outcome you know, him having to find a way to fund his own legal fees.

I wouldn't pay.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 25-Mar-17 13:02:13

Let him also borrow the money for the legal costs. . He is just as responsible for sorting out the divorce. . Just because you wanted it doesn't mean he shouldn't get it done and dusted for the benefit of you all in the long run. Dc don't need it dragged out either.

NotJanine Mon 27-Mar-17 10:36:08

do you believe that he can't afford a solicitor?

He doesn't have to have one, just because you do.

Racmactac Mon 27-Mar-17 10:49:39

Don't pay his legal fees that's madness.

He changed to being reasonable because he went to get legal advice and was probably told you'd get more so now he wants to be nice

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