Partner walks out on 3 month old - how do you move forward?

[MaryB123]

Hi,

A few months ago I gave birth to my first child and my partner and I had the usual arguments - I had a touch of post natal depression and although I was ready for a child nothing prepared me for the change. After 3 months my partner said the relationship had changed, the spark was gone and he was unsure whether he wanted to stay. That I had changed since I left the hospital, was high maintenance, demanding and had become a weak woman. After a few weeks of him pretending to want to be with me he left. He said he didn't love me anymore and had stopped loving me later in pregnancy even though he pretended to all our family and friends that he loved me to bits, was going to marry me and talked about having more children. When he left he blamed me for everything and still does. He assainated my character to anyone who would listen including friends and family. It was and is still devastating. He even sent his mum around with a list of all the things I had ever done in our relationship to upset him, every argument and mishap. She screamed at me and my child for 3hrs and even threatened to take my son. His family believes everything he says and they blame me. They say I forced him to leave. Everyone I have spoken to even therapists tell me that he ran from his child and his responsibilities. He is a 36 year old man who has always lived at home and never had a serious girlfriend so I was the first woman he truly committed to. We were together 2.5 years and actively tried for a child. He said he really wanted a family with me. When we told his family we were expecting his mum didn't take the news well and wasn't pleasant to me from that day forward. It caused lots of stress. She never gave me any support once I had my son and barely made the effort to see him but of course I'm to blame for that.

Now him and his family are kicking up a stink about access to my son. They just want to take my son away from me to bring around to his parents house. They have no consideration as to how that affects me and my son - he doesn't even know who his father is anymore. He cries every time he had seen him.

What type of man does that to his partner and mother of his child?

How do you get through the pain and move forward?

[Gingerbreadlass]

I'm sorry this is happening to you, MaryB. Im afraid I have to go on the school run soon but will pop back in later and write some more. In the meantime, you could ask MNHQ to move your topic to Relationships where there's more traffic and you'll get good support and advice.

[user1487854472]

Oh Hun, I've been through very similar and my daughter is now 9 months old. My husband was the perfect husband, however when my Dd arrived he turned into the most selfish, nasty piece of work and could not be bothered with the responsibility of a family. He bad mouthed me all over social media, saying I was keeping him from his child, yet I was here trying to push him to have a relationship.

Rise above all the lies. My husband (soon to be ex) works in a supermarket and I still go in there and hold my head high as I know I've done nothing wrong. I frequently come across his friends and family and I'm friendly and polite. All this does is show what a lying lowlife he is.

I promise it does get easier. I imagine that in time they'll get bored of your son and leave you alone. My husband only sees my daughter when supervised by me, due to previous DV, and because he doesn't know her in the slightest.

I'm here if you need to talk, I know exactly what you're going through xx

[DelphiniumBlue]

How awful! It must be so hard, 3 months is a time when most new parents are still adjudging, and needing quite a lot of support.
But in a way its good he showed his true colours so quickly, at least you're now in no doubt about the sort of man he is.
You don't have to speak to his family, ( who have some responsibility for the way he's turned out) so don't answer the phone to them, and keep off social media or block them.
Keep communication with him to a minimum, maybe get a separate phone for this purpose, or do it by email.
If you are breast feeding, that is a good reason for the baby not being away from you, and he does not sound as if he is to be trusted. What sort of man promises marriage, plans a baby, then abandons the mother ? No decent bloke would do that, he's shown himself to be untrustworthy.
If his family want to see the baby they will have to do it on your terms at present, unless he is prepared to go through the courts.
Is he on the birth certificate?

[MaryB123]

Thx for your reply. It's good to know there are other people experiencing the same although not good there are no many terrible men! I hope they get bored but he keeps pushing contact as it keeps up the allusion to him, his family and everyone that he left me not out son.

[MaryB123]

Yes sadly he's on the birth certificate. Looking back I think he planned it. So frustrating!

[MaryB123]

Yes sadly he's on the birth certificate. Looking back I think he planned it. So frustrating!