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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Divorcing for adultery

38 replies

Lily15 · 20/03/2017 16:32

It's 5 months since Dday and I don't think we can go on as we are. I know you can't divorce for adultery if you have lived together for 6 months since discovery. Does anyone know if I file before 6 months does this count? Or does it need to be done and dusted before the 6 months? If I D under unreasonable behaviour can his A be part of that? Did anyone name the OW? It's going to hurt for a long time but despite him dropping OW on Dday and wanting to try, the betrayal and hurt runs too deep and we can't find our way back. Life is miserable together.

OP posts:

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MrsBertBibby · 20/03/2017 16:51

Yes, you're fine as long as your petition is issued within 6 months of discovery. If you do decide to go on unreasonable behaviour, then yes, his affair will also count as that.

It isn't helpful to you to name her, if she's named she has to be served with a set of papers. Don't name her!

Unless your husband has signed an admission of adultery, your safest course is to go on UB in any case, since adultery is hard to prove in the absence of an admission.

Good luck.

NotJanine · 20/03/2017 16:55

You can file for divorce within 6 months, it doesn't have to be completed within that time.

I think it's rare to name the third party.

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

Sprink · 20/03/2017 16:56

Is there an advantage tonxiting adultery as grounds for divorce? I'm just curious as I thought the UK (presuming it is) was a more "no fault" country.

I'm sorry to hear things aren't working out, OP. Sometimes it takes years to recover the relationship.

Sprink · 20/03/2017 16:56

*to citing, not tonxiting (whatever that is)

Lily15 · 20/03/2017 17:01

Thank you for the replies.

What is UB? Yes we are in the UK. So if I file before the 6 months I can D on grounds of adultery no matter how long that then takes?

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 20/03/2017 17:03

UB is unreasonable behaviour.

Yes, you just need to get the petition in before 6 months.

But will he co operate? If not, please go on UB!

Sunnyshores · 20/03/2017 17:04

Based on the experience of a good friend, she had to apply for divorce within 6 months of Dday and they had to be already living apart. She was told by solicitor not to name the OW.

I think if you take +6 months to divorce and its now ie irretreivable breakdown or irreconcilable differences one of the 5 or 6 reasons you need to list could be ie loss of trust but not the actual act of adultery.

Id go ASAP to a divorce lawyer who offers a free consultation and get it confirmed.

Wtfdoipick · 20/03/2017 17:06

There is no advantage to citing adultery. I did divorce on the grounds of adultery and named the ow but I will admit to doing it for personal revenge as he convinced her that I was delusional, a stalker and that our DC were not his. Having her served with the papers was my way of proving that he was a lying deceitful bastard. The adultery in my case was provable due to there being another child involved.

Lily15 · 20/03/2017 17:11

I want to D for adultery. That is why our marriage is ending. Because he cheated. Going UB (sorry I should have realised the abbreviation!) I could list the reasons like you say, no trust, not willing to go to MC etc but I really feel strongly that adultery is the reason. To cooperate does he need to sign the admission of adultery? And can I file by myself without involving a solicitor at this stage? Thank you everyone who is helping me on here.

OP posts:

IMissGin · 20/03/2017 17:23

I believe the challenge with adultery is you need to prove they had penetrative sex so either a child or his admitting to it and signing that... it can make the process much more difficult than UB

MrsBertBibby · 20/03/2017 17:57

You can issue for adultery, but you run the risk that if he won't sign the court form admitting it, you are faced with having to amend your petition to UB. That means another court fee, and a layer of technical complexity that will make your job a lot harder.

One of your examples of UB can quite simply be "he had an affair with another woman". Or an "improper association" if you want the lawyer-speak for when you can't prove the actual adultery (which requires proof of full vaginal penetration by his penis, as Gin says.)

You can, of course, issue your petition without a solicitor.

heidiwine · 20/03/2017 17:59

Use adultery as a reason for UB:
E.g on x date STBX admitted that he had entered into a relationship with another woman. Done then living under the same roof as him is intolerable...

Lily15 · 20/03/2017 18:08

Does hearing him have sex count as proof? I was too busy being sick/shocked to record it. Wish I had now..

OP posts:

IMissGin · 20/03/2017 18:28

I'm sorry it wouldn't count as proof 😔

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/03/2017 18:33

I divorced my ex-h for adultery and simply cited that he had moved out of our home and straight into OW's house. He could hardly say he wasn't shagging her! He tried to get out of it by saying that he'd only had affairs with men but I understand his solicitor told him to stop being a prick and just sign. The court accepted my evidence without question.

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/03/2017 18:40

Lily also I am sorry you're going through this, it's utterly shit. I hope you're OK

OldGuard · 20/03/2017 18:44

Sorry lily - hearing him have sex with someone else should count - sorry that this is so awful - good advice from other poster - none from me - just wanted to say keep your chin up

OldGuard · 20/03/2017 18:45

Sometimes I think that the solely female tribes where they live communally and support each other has merit

Blobby10 · 20/03/2017 18:45

Its my understanding that to get proof of adultery you have to have visual evidence of piv sex taking place. You could still cite the adultery as the UB and it may be quicker and easier for you.

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/03/2017 19:29

No Blobby, that's not true. An admission from the adulterous party, living together etc are all OK to say. I know of many people who have divorced on adultery grounds and none of them actually saw it happening. Lily I would definitely put that you heard it.

NotJanine · 20/03/2017 20:06

I'm divorcing due to adultery, but he did admit it to me.

Lily15 · 20/03/2017 20:17

Notjanine can I ask if you are far out from Dday?

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PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/03/2017 20:20

An admission from the adulterous party, living together etc are all OK to say

That would still involve the other person agreeing to it though. They can refuse to sign on those grounds, especially if OP has no physical proof.

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/03/2017 20:46

Yes Piglet that is true...however, costly to contest and people rarely do in my experience...is appears to me that OP's ex admitted to affair and she also heard them having sex, that should be more than enough hopefully.

NotJanine · 20/03/2017 21:15

Lily - it was June. I can't remember when I sent the petition. Maybe end of Oct.

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