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Considering divorce - completely at a loss...

(2 Posts)
OrchidFlakes Sat 18-Mar-17 22:03:27

I have no idea where to start but I don't think that DH and I can go on the way we are so I think I'm looking for practical advice about divorce.

Starting with any facts that might be relevant:
We have 2 DS (4 and 2).
Our mortgage is about £250k outstanding and the house worth about £350k
Savings are £20k (joint)
I'm a SAHM with no income
DH is duel citizen U.K. and Canada

My questions:
I want my boys to primarily live with me
I'm happy to downsize but rent/mortgage on a 2 bed will be approx £1000 pcm plus bills. How does financial support from DH work? How much approx would it be?
I'd immediately look for part time work, full if necessary but it would be tough with school runs etc but I'm not work shy at all.
How does custody work - could he take my boys to Canada? Are there steps I should take to prevent this? He's not a malicious man we just can't live together
How would I get a mortgage if I don't work/until I find work?
I currently don't get any benefits including child benefit as DH earns above the threshold - what could/would I be entitled to?

Apologies for the brusque format I just need some clarity before I get too far down the path of no return. My boys are too precious to screw this up. If I need to suck it up either way for them, I will, they are my world. I'm grateful for any advice.

EnormousTiger Sun 19-Mar-17 09:22:18

It might be worth paying a solicitor for an hour of their time at this early stage.

Subject to that with dual nationality couples one will often rush to the first to bring the proceedings for divorce - called seizing the jurisdiction eg English law is very favourable to lower earners. I am not sure about Canada. So you might if your husband could be considering divorce, want to get on with issuing your petition first here in England. if it were not for that then best to discuss with husband and agree that one of you will divorce the other for unreasonable behaviour (not contested and makes no difference to money or child contact).

You can if necessary obtain a prohibited steps order forbidding him to remove the children from the UK. Who has actual possession of their passports (if they have any)? In most cases there is no need for that kind of order but it's possible.

It looks like there is £100k in your marital home. The £20k saved may need to be spent on rental deposit, solicitors' and moving and divorce fees of both sides.

You might want to wait divorcing until the youngest is at school when it might be easier to get a full time job (although I worked full time with even under 1s so it's not impossible).

The one thing missing is your husband's income - there is no need to tell usb ut obviously if it is very large he might well have to pay more.

If I were you I would be looking at keeping you and the children in the marital home as that is nicer than renting and using child and spousal support from your husband to pay the mortgage. You would also probably get tax credits and the child benefit.
I presume the children will live with you but the law is not sexist and plenty of fathers have the children these days. however you don't work and he does so it's likely with a 2 year old the children will be with you more.

I don't know about benefits as I've always worked full time even as a single mother but you probably would get child benefit if the children are with you more than your husband and also tax credits to top up any spousal support from your husband. Would your family be able to buy your husband out of his share of the house? Might your husband want to stay in the house and use it for when the children have contact visits with him as he may be able to afford to buy you out of the house but you could not him?

Anyway best to see a solicitor. Most divorces both frmo the money and child side work best when the couple reach agreement on what is to happen and neither feels screwed over. I earned enough to buy my husband out of our house and he got all my savings and shares too but it was worth it for a clean break with no maintenance - your position is almost entirely the opposite of mine. You would probably be awarded some maintenance to help with the mortgage or rent for you (spousal maintenance) but usually for a limited period 3 - 5 years? until you can get back into work, as well as child maintenance if the children are with you more than your husband.

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