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The shit continues and I'm broken

(8 Posts)
muntcunch Fri 17-Mar-17 22:30:02

I posted a while back about stbeh leaving after 14 years with no reason other than he was unhappy.

The last 4 months of the marriage were pretty fucking miserable where he treated me and the children (me much more so) like crap until he left.

He didn't handle the split in a dignified way and made it pretty difficult for me, even though I was heartbroken and devastated at losing my childhood sweetheart and my family unit.

I am now 14 months on from the separation, I have had good days and bad days. I still pine for my old life and the settled family unit we had with our three young children and feel like I will never be truly happy or at peace again.

This week I found out he has a girlfriend, after abit of digging it turns out to be a work colleague and I'm 99% sure there was some sort of overlap (kudos to all of those mumsnetters who told me in no uncertain terms there would be an ow)

I feel devastated all over again, my anxiety is through the roof. I feel so sad, sick to my stomach, worthless almost. I keep questioning my former life and I'm angry at myself at how I've strived to make the separation as easy as possible for him when it was him treating me like a cunt.

He wants the ow to meet the kids and honestly I am freaking out. I have no idea how this works, I want to protect my children but realise I have to rely on him to make sensible decisions regarding ow.
(She has no children, ex can't have any more children)

How do I move forward from this? Please tell me it gets better?

muntcunch Sat 18-Mar-17 18:49:32

Shameless bump

Holland00 Sun 19-Mar-17 11:44:24

It will get better as you get stronger, but it is likely to be a bumpy road.
Do you have a support network around you?
Might be worth seeing your GP to be referred for counselling to help you with the anxiety.

Tenpenny Sun 19-Mar-17 11:56:44

Holland is right, it gets better as you get stronger.
Do see the GP with regards to your anxiety and really, really take care of yourself.

The way to think of it is, who he introduces to the children is entirely his business, and none of yours. It is out of your control and you will feel more comfortable with that in time. The only time it is a cause for your concern is if the children express any ill feelings.
You say you are angry at yourself for making the separation as easy for him as possible while all the time he was treating you like a cunt - oh I totally and completely get you! I was the same, and so angry with myself when the fear I had subsided. Mine had been bullying me all along. Forgive yourself.

It WILL get better, and you WILL move on - and you will surprise yourself with your strength.

Hermonie2016 Sun 19-Mar-17 13:33:48

It's natural as it's not unusual to still have emotions after a long relationship.If this was a bereavement no one would expect you to just be over it by now.You do grieve for a marriage but also have to cope with rejection and betrayal.The issue is his however..good men don't do this.

Each new development like a ow or finalising divorce is a painful step but it is a step forward.
If you acted well then that's to your credit and something later in life you will value.The hurt will end and you will be so proud of your strength and goodness.

Try to work on releasing and letting go of negative emotions.Lots on YouTube to help with this.
If your ex wants to play happy families welcome it as the reality of 3 children will soon wane.I speak as a step mum who had my own children but it's the toughest job and puts a strain on your relationship.It will not be blissful especially when OW realises her life will not be the same more quiet house, lie ins, tidy

Initially it will be all fab so prepare yourself for when the children come back but know that the honeymoon phase won't last.
Practice stock phrases, that's nice, and bite your tongue until you can vent to friends.

muntcunch Mon 20-Mar-17 03:52:03

Thanks all.

Im just struggling with angry thoughts and the unknown answers.

It's making me feel quite unwell to be honest.

Jajagabour100 Mon 20-Mar-17 10:26:11

I completely understand how you feel. I'm really struggling and I'm can't seem to find a light at the end of the tunnel. My exh had an affair that started when I was pregnant with my daughter over 3 years ago. I found the truth last September. But I knew something was going on, but he lied and manipulated me again and again.

He has told me they are still in love with each other, that kills me more than anything. They are not together as she is married with her own child. He went to see her last week as he needed to know that she didn't hate him. I found out about this yesterday and my anxiety and depression has come back so strongly. I fear I'll never get over it.

muntcunch Mon 20-Mar-17 20:06:53

Jajagabour- how are you today?
I spoke to ex today as he's taking me to court for 50:50 childcare as I've refused to let him have the children on all his days off.

He doesn't seem to care that I have to work too, and doesn't understand how selfish he's being. He's such an entitled wanker!

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