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Separating from a VERY tough relationship

(2 Posts)
missmayup Wed 08-Mar-17 13:45:58

Hi all!

Having a really rough time so please my loves, be gentle!

Just wanted some advice really, I've recently come to an agreement with my partner (well, ex now.) that we should separate and at the mo he's being pretty understanding. All fab, no issues there.

It's been a really rough relationship from the off, we have two children, 3yo boy and 1yo girl. Ex was physical with me when pregnant with my daughter. Drank like a fish and was always aggressive and verbally abusive when drinking, in front of whoever happened to be there. There have been several instances where I'm sure he's cheated, but he's never attested to these. I'm trusting my gut with that and it's never usually wrong. Things like getting a Facebook audio message from a woman, claiming he didn't know her, deleting message before I could hear, then a day later getting a text message from the same woman (saying merry xmas by the way, Christmas Day was the worrrst day to have that argument.)
He's constantly choosing his family over ours, he left me alone with the kids on my birthday to go to his sisters party, left me alone a week after our daughter was born prem to party with his family. So I'm hoping by that waffle marathon, you guys get the picture.

I've recently been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and am fairly certain the past few years with him have gotten me to this point. I'm trying to heal by meditation, gym etc which has been great. Hated medicating.

What I'm asking is why now am I feeling guilty, terrified for the future and not wanting him to move out?
I know and recognise all the awful things he's done to me and our children, but I am so nervous and don't know wether I'm doing the right thing.
Financially I'm worried too, I can't work with two so small around nursery etc so I'd be relying on benefits and I'm terrified I'll have to move out.

I hope that all made sense, aaahg help!

Hermonie2016 Wed 08-Mar-17 14:04:28

Totally understandable.Often adrenalin pushes you forward at the start and then the fear, uncertainty and doubt creeps in.

Was he really that bad? Can I survive? Is this salvageable?

No one wants to end a marriage, it's heart breaking and I'm over 4 months down the line and still have days where I cry.

It is grief and doesn't go away quickly.Your fear of managing is rational and until you actually start living your new life you won't really know if you can cope.The likelihood is that you will as women tend to get emotionally stronger after separation.

To separate you have to sort the practical stuff, like housing and money.Alongside that you have to deal with the emotionally stuff as well.
Some days the emotional stuff will flood you and you won't be able to move anything forwards.Other days you might feel empowered and get life moving onwards.

It's just a roller coaster of emotions but there will be an end and I doubt you will regret it.

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