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Petitioner or Respondent? Which were you and do you care?

(33 Posts)
WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Mon 06-Mar-17 06:55:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reapercrew Mon 06-Mar-17 07:05:42

I was in a similar situation, his reason were not only untrue but embarrassing but he got to the solicitor first, I just agreed tbh it just takes longer to be sorted & costs more if you disagree & argue it out. I found it was better for me to just agree & get it over with sooner. Nothing else comes of it in the long run

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Mon 06-Mar-17 07:11:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackteasplease Mon 06-Mar-17 09:22:05

As of a few days ago I am a petitioner!

It doesn't matter which you are but really just posting to remind myself I'm actually doing something about the EA fuck fuckwit.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Mon 06-Mar-17 09:23:49

I was petitioner, but in reality it make no difference. Just be happy you are on the way to be rid of him.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Mon 06-Mar-17 09:24:16

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WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Mon 06-Mar-17 09:24:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nonameinspiration Mon 06-Mar-17 12:39:34

I originally petitioned then realised the petitioner pays so I let exh do it. He wrote vile mostly untrue things in the petition and I just accepted them. I really didn't care

cookiemon666 Mon 06-Mar-17 14:40:58

My stbxh is the petitioner, he wrote a complete load of bollocks as examples of my UB. My solicitor advised me just to let him get on with it as no-one else will see it. He has to pay the court costs now, so happy days really. Just waiting for decree nisi to arrive!!

BlueBlueSkies Mon 06-Mar-17 15:44:53

Ext was the petitioner, he would not let me divorce him as according to him he had done nothing wrong. I admitted to adultery with an unnamed person on an undisclosed date. I did not really care what I signed as I doubted anyone would ever know what was in those documents and did not think it mattered. We agreed to split the additional cost that a petitioner has.

The only downside of him being petitioner is that he let it drag on and on, did not sign and return documents etc. It took 18 months when it could have been over in 3.

That was all 10 years ago now and I happily remarried to a wonderful man.

TheLegendOfBeans Mon 06-Mar-17 15:57:58

The petitioner to a certain degree controls the timeframe of the divorce.

I was super speedy in my side of things and in turn XH was as he miraculously learned the ability to form-fill once I'd called his fecking bluff and hit him with the papers.

I was Petitioner as a) I was the higher earner and wanted to spend my hard earned cash on getting shot of him pronto
b) I wanted to list his nasty behaviour in black and white to show him that when he was accusing me of "crying over nothing" it was actually something and stood legally (as UB)
c) I met my now DH when I'd just started the process and thank my lucky stars that I was the Petitioner so I could just move on with my life promptly as a free woman and enjoy life for the first time not only myself but also with someone who loved me for just who I was, and not someone to be "improved".

What helped me the most though was keeping him fully sighted on every part of it though. He complained about my list of his UBs but I just listed them on the official document anyway.

nonameinspiration Mon 06-Mar-17 16:32:31

Cookie this exactly!

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Mon 06-Mar-17 19:45:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheLegendOfBeans Mon 06-Mar-17 20:01:44


What worked for me was absolute transparency. I was desperate not to antagonise but please bear in mind we had no joint assets and no children; it's the financial order part that can drag.

If that part of the process looks like it could get sticky consult a solicitor asap. A friend of mine didn't and he thought he could do it himself (he was respondent).

After 21 months of both sides being dicks he finally got a solicitor. His XW calmed her demands immediately and it was all done three months later.

Mine took six months to the day.

blackteasplease Mon 06-Mar-17 21:28:13

I'm having to use UB because even though both of us have technically committed adultery (both of us after the decision to split) it's been dragging on so bloody long that more than 6 months have gone by!

Also who wants to bring another person into it unnecessarily?

Hermonie2016 Tue 07-Mar-17 23:23:35

I agreed to be respondent as ex threatened to unleash hell if I tried to divorce him.He agreed to move out on this basis so it was a means to an end.

I think the downside is he owns the timeframe and I don't know when I will receive documents so he had the "control".
He also listed awful behaviour on a draft which I challenged as was so destructive.

A few months down the line I am OK with it.He will feel happier that he can blame me but his next victim will soon learn the truth.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Wed 08-Mar-17 14:57:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WayWithWords Wed 08-Mar-17 17:14:42

I'm the petitioner. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. For me the main thing is moving on with separation, getting finances sorted, and moving on with my life. Good luck OP!

TreeTop7 Wed 08-Mar-17 22:48:09

I am not the petitioner. Saves me a few bob!

appledumpling74 Thu 09-Mar-17 17:37:48

Ex was the petitioner, I was the respondent. I agreed to let him divorce me because in his head he could do no wrong and it just made life easier. It hurt to read what he said about me but it was the best thing in the long run.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Thu 09-Mar-17 19:42:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Properjob Wed 15-Mar-17 00:06:41

Just wanted to say thanks this is a really useful thread flowers

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Wed 15-Mar-17 08:01:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Properjob Wed 15-Mar-17 13:38:21

I'm only 5 days in and still reeling. Quite hard to find a solicitor isn't it? I'm waiting for people to call me back...have had some good advice though.
Not looking forward to angry phase of this cycle as stbxh thinks any of my anger is unreasonable behaviour whereas constant verbal put downs are apparently OK.confused

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Sat 18-Mar-17 05:21:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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