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stbxh not replying

(8 Posts)
Dawndonnaagain Mon 27-Feb-17 13:24:05

Received email from solicitor today. Divorce petition was sent to his solicitors over a month ago, not heard anything, do they want me to file anyway. I've said yes. However, two things: a) does this mean stbxh has his head in the sand and/or is dicking about? and b) can I go ahead without having negotiated any sort of financial settlement?
Thank you.

FriendlyPolecat Mon 27-Feb-17 13:26:58

Yes and yes
You can get the petition served on your ex by court bailiffs but it just means more cost
Nothing to stop the divorce process with out a financial settlement yet but would make sure you get your consent order done before you get your DA

Dawndonnaagain Mon 27-Feb-17 14:45:44

Thank you, sorry to be a pain, what is a consent order and DA?

There is a non molestation order in place and an occupation order. I have been the subject of a marac meeting and the safeguards that go with that are in place. Whether these make the slightest difference or not I don't know and can't afford to keep asking solicitor. I am not entitled to legal aid because the value of the house, however, I'm on benefits so have no ready cash!

FriendlyPolecat Mon 27-Feb-17 16:49:15

You're not a pain don't think that, I'm no lawyer but am happy to share what little information I can.
A Consent Order is a document drawn up by solicitors that states which partner gets what (in terms of assets eg savings, house, pensions etc) and it is presented to a judge to sign it off if they think it is fair. It gives you protection for life from your ex making claims on your estate later. I mentioned Consent Order because you said you didn't have your financial matters resolved yet so I assumed you meant you didn't have one of these orders in the pipeline yet.
The DA is Decree Absolute which is the final certificate that you apply for (or in other words your divorce certificate) once the Judge has granted the divorce.
I don't know whether your other orders in place have any effect on the ordinary proceedings either but I would recommend the Wikivorce website for help with that. I was like you (couldn't afford legal help, there is no Legal Aid for divorce cases now) so I went on that site myself and got some advice.
I hope you manage to get everything sorted, I know how terribly stressful it is and it is even worse when you're a Litigant In Person

Dawndonnaagain Mon 27-Feb-17 17:05:07

Thank you so much. I'm not sure that the financial negotiations are going to be particularly easy. Presumably though, if the lawyer drew them up, I would have to see them first? At the moment, the only thing I've seen is the petition.

FriendlyPolecat Mon 27-Feb-17 19:48:26

No the financial negotiations won't be easy especially if your ex is not even co-operating with the petition let alone anything else. But yes you're right that you'd see the documents first (I can't remember the form numbers) because you have to be involved in their initial drafting anyway. I think you have to do disclosure of all your assets so that the lawyers and Judge can see what needs sharing out and I think it's usual for one party to make an offer and negotiate from there on. Where there's no agreement I think there's a 50/50 starting point and it's then allocated fairly (fair doesn't mean equal). I know I haven't explained this very well but it's complicated and confusing so that's why I suggested that website where you'll get better help

Dawndonnaagain Mon 27-Feb-17 22:29:47

Yes, I've been looking at the website.
Can't thank you enough, you explained it well, and I really appreciate it, it's been a bit roller coaster like and I'm having trouble taking some things in, whereas in other areas (dd's health, arguing on here) I'm absolutely fine, or I seem to be! Which I guess means that in fact, I'm all over the place!
Thank you so much for your patience.
flowers

FriendlyPolecat Tue 28-Feb-17 06:39:25

No problem at all, glad I could at least be a bit of help then, you're not alone struggling to take all this in it can be like a minefield and divorce is up there with bereavement and eviction for how stressful it is. It's even harder when you have to navigate on your own with out much if any legal help and if an ex is making things more difficult. At the time it can feel like it's never ending but you get there eventually just don't lose your focus or determination flowers

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