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Divorce warning letter ?

(6 Posts)
Alfiemoon1 Sun 19-Feb-17 23:09:53

Been having problems with dh for the last 6 months have posted on here in relationships and the majority concluded dh has had an emotional affair. I am struggling to move on even though it wasn't even sexting it has caused trust issues in the marriage. He just can't seem to accept how I feel and what damage it has done. I really don't want to end my marriage over this but have hit a brick wall with him trying to move on or accept responsibility. I was wondering if a solicitor would sent out sort of a warning or intention to divorce letter. I suppose this is my last attempt to resolve things I have started anti depressants and on the waiting list for counselling so I am doing my bit he refuses couples counselling and as far as he is concerned the matter is over he did nothing wrong and they are no longer in contact- she stopped contact and he is still very secretive with his phone which doesn't help. I have threatened divorce so many times it no longer phases him so not sure what else I can do other than actually divorce him

OrangeIsTheNewPop Sun 19-Feb-17 23:57:10

I didn't read your other thread- but do you need a solicitor's letter to give him an ultermatum? Can you not tell him that, if he doesn't make any effort to put the relationship back together in the next month- be that attending counselling or whatever- then it's over?

Sorry you're going through such a bad time. It sounds shit.

OrangeIsTheNewPop Sun 19-Feb-17 23:58:21

Sorry- posted too soon. It does sound, however, that he may have checked out anyway. Why do you want to save the marriage?

Alfiemoon1 Mon 20-Feb-17 00:47:32

We've been together 22 years married for 16 2 dc so I don't want to throw it all away but I need the trust back and for him to be open and honest with me. It's ridiculous for example the other day he was sending a WhatsApp video I stood behind him as didn't know how to crop a video asked him to go back he turned his screen as if not wanting me to see and low and behold there is the ow pic he's not supposedly in contact with so I said show me the message of course it was deleted he claims it was simply thanking him for bringing her horse in. We are at the same stables and he deleted it thinking he deleted the contact. It was her pic and no. Not name as she isn't in his contacts. It was probably about 2 months ago. Stupid thing is it probably was just about the horse but he would of known full well the contact wasn't deleted as he daily sends dd WhatsApp and would see her pic. I would rather of seen a simple thanks message than him delete it as it makes me think he's being secretive again Part of my issue there were many was him deleting their chats and hiding phone calls so he obviously hasn't learnt anything from everything we have been through. Hers is the only chat he has deleted btw. Lots of other shit went on and he behaved like a moron. This is my attempt at giving one last try

DoloresVanCartier Mon 20-Feb-17 01:09:47

Op I don't have any real advice so I apologise for that, but I would be worried that I sent a letter and he said okay then let's divorce. I think if it possible to do what you are asking you have to be 100% sure he wants to stay.

NotJanine Mon 20-Feb-17 12:23:59

I really don't think getting a solicitor involved would help.

It sounds like you want to scare him by saying that you want a divorce, whereas both of you really know that isn't what you want at all.

Have you tried couples counselling?

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