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Leaving the marital home - I'm terrified

(4 Posts)
Crappyatnames Thu 16-Feb-17 00:06:39

Have been separated from DH for about 3 months and I've finally found somewhere affordable for me and DD (almost 2) but I'm terrified, like I can't actually do the removal of our stuff, I don't feel strong enough to do it. I don't want to be here anymore and I definitely don't want to be with him. We've been living under the same roof but hardly see him as he's thrown himself into working 24/7 to enable him to take on the mortgage himself. I can't wait for my own space, to make a home for DD , but I feel so emotional and confused about this. Is this a normal reaction? How do I bring myself to pack up our life and move on? Even though staying here would be worse, I know that. I guess I am exhausted from having DD 24/7 on my own and thinking this is life now, this is the life I chose - but only because he made me so unhappy . I think I need some encouragement that this is the hard bit and it will pass......

eastmidsmum Thu 16-Feb-17 18:27:30

It sounds like you've been having a very hard time for quite a long time ('he made me so unhappy"); the last few months will have been hard; and now you've come to the big public, physically and emotionally taxing moment, of leaving. So it's not surprising you're finding it hard. Do you have support (family, friends, professional?) around? Six years ago I left my abusive husband, taking a 3 and 5 year old, and yes, it's all scary, I know. I didn't let him know we were going, either, so had to arrange it all secretly. But I kind of knew then, and absolutely know now, it was one of the best decisions I ever made! But you need support of some kind, as I had. Both emotionally and physically. If you haven't got that now would you be able to access some as soon as you go? Eg explaining to friends and/or family, talking to Health Visitor, GP, Surestart, other community support such as church (spiritual support was very important for me, but I had to find a church who understood)? Xx

Crappyatnames Sat 18-Feb-17 08:38:09

Thanks for your reply. It is very daunting but I do feel I am making the right decision. That must've taken a lot of courage to leave with 2 kids, sounds like it was the best decision you've ever made. I get moments of fear when I am exhausted thinking this is my life now as a single mum, but I've felt alone since she was born anyway, but it's real now. I've been feeling worse since I told him we're leaving in 2 weeks and he's back to pointing the finger and blaming me for breaking up the family unit, but he hasn't spent hardly any time with DD in months through his own choice - he wants to keep on the mortgage so has been working all hours, but blaming me for putting him in that position therefore he thinks it's ok not to see her. I know I just need out, away from his manipulative behaviour. I've started packing and feel a bit better. I will go and speak to my GP as she is fantastic and got me through PND when I had an unsupportive husband. I will also look into churches, I hadn't thought of that, thank you. I have a few friends and a lot of family but are all very busy which is hard l, but I need to be honest and tell them how I am feeling instead of keeping it inside. X

eastmidsmum Sat 18-Feb-17 09:03:02

Glad you're feeling a little better. Re churches, whereabouts are you? Wouldn't your family make time for you if you explain the situation to them? X

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