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Divorced and going insane!!! Help. (Long, sorry)

(2 Posts)
JCH052508 Sun 12-Feb-17 10:11:57

I am so angry!!!! I need to hear people opinions to find out if I am being unreasonable.
I got divorced from my ex last year. He has been nothing but manipulative and horrible to me!! He lies all the time and this impacts our kids. He has no respect for me and doesn't think the kids see how much he upsets me. He is the only one that can make me feel utterly worthless as he knows how to rile me. I hate him so much, he has treated me so badly yet no matter what I let him into my home, my life, because of our kids. I would love to stop him seeing them as my life would be so much easier not having to work around him but I would never do that because of our kids. I wouldn't do it to them. I want them to have their dad. I just wish he could see how utterly selfish and hurtful he is.
He generally has been there for the kids and wants to see them but there is no effort whatsoever when it comes to spending time with them.
So the latest thing.... he's got a girlfriend that he's been with for about 6months. We always agreed that the kids wouldn't meet her until I had, that was even his rule. Well he broke that. Twice and my child was the one to tell me both times. So i contacted her to ask if we could meet, she seemed really nice and we arranged it but i had to cancel so i led it out on the line and said that the reason i wanted to meet her is because I didn't like the idea of my kids spending time with someone I didn't know and i knew that she would be spending time with them. I was nice and honest and she was in agreement and said she understood. I had no issue with her or their relationship it was solely for my kids. So yestersay I find out that my children stayed at her house with her and her kids with him, he didn't take them to their clubs they go to every Saturday, he didn't even brush their teeth as they didn't have their toothbrushes with them (one of them has a tooth problem). They even went into the bedroom in the morning whilst he and his new gf were in bed together all because it was his birthday and that's what he wanted. My eldest had a meltdown yesterday when i picked them up from the ex's mums (where he actually lives) I have never seen him like it, it was heart breaking. He was kicking and screaming all because he wanted to spend time at his nans where he thought he was ment to be staying the night before. Turns out he didn't get any sleep at the gf's, he was up alot of the night, he'd never been there before and only met her 2 times and her kids once then my selfish ex threw him into this situation, he was exhausted and emotional and totally out of character.
Is this right??? Is this what we as mothers are expected to accept from our arshole exes??? Do I just let this go??? My kids are my everything. And all they keep talking about is how nice she is and it's killing me. Im happy she has been nice to my kids i really am but its making me feel they dont need me. They have a new mummy now.
He has lied to me about everything. He is making me crazy. I don't care about him or his relationship. I just don't think that is the way you treat your kids!? My kids.

MrsBertBibby Sun 12-Feb-17 12:37:21

I think you need to separate out your irrational fears (of being replaced) and your justifiable concerns (teeth going unbrushed).

Can you actually make a list, like a pros and cons one, to help you do that?

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