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Contact arrangement for 10yo and 4yo during separation- does this sound reasonable?

(3 Posts)
Poppoppogo Sat 11-Feb-17 20:47:01

DH and i are separated. We're going to counselling, so really hoping this is a temporary arrangement.

To begin with DH had the DCs every weekend. I then asked for one weekend a month, which he agreed to. However, at the moment i obviously really miss them when they're not here, and i also feel that because they're with me during the week, i'm stuck dealing with all of the difficult stuff and pretty much totally missing out on the fun weekend stuff.

Because i'm still living in our home and DH is at his parents 30 mins away, it makes sense for me to have the kids during the week. I work half days so i drop 4yo DC off at the childminder and 10yo walks too and from school. It would be such a faff for DH to have to do that, so it just makes sense for me to have them weekdays. I also only work term time, so will have them during school holidays.

However, the only time i really see them at the moment is when they're tired and grumpy from school/nursery, i'm taking them to friends houses, doing homework etc and i'm tired from work. I had them for the weekend for the first time a few weeks ago and they were like different children. We had such a great weekend. Aside from the fact that i miss the fun weekends we used to have together, i worry that they'll start to see me as the boring 'every day life' mum, and dh as the one they get to do fun things with. I know it sounds petty, but it really does concern me.

Part of me thinks that because i have them during the week and holidays, that's an awful lot of time. However, its so hard during term time to only have them one weekend a month.

Do you think the current arrangement is fair? Any suggestions of how to divide their time another way?

rightsofwomen Sun 12-Feb-17 00:02:35

You have to think of the welfare of the children really. I think if you're seeing them all school holidays it's going to be hard to argue for 1/2 the weekends as well.
Is there any way this can be more balanced e.g. Your ex seeing them during the week and some of the school hols?

darbo Sun 12-Feb-17 19:17:48

You are the children's mother and are maintaining a stable home for your children. This means you call the shots. If you wish your children to spend half their weekends with you because of the benefits of continuity in their home then state it and do it.

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