Divorce decided help needed please!(16 Posts)
Hi all we have finally come to the conclusion that we are going to separate, we are going to put our house on the market in 2 weeks and both finding new jobs to move area...
to any of you who have been through or are going through divorce... should I see a solicitor? My husband thinks we should just do a quick online divorce, he has agreed to splitting the house sale 50/50 and to pay maintainence for our baby... we only bought the place not even two years ago and my husband paid for the significant deposit out of his savings.. where as I only contributed about a quarter of what he did for deposit...
Does this seem achievable? Why else might I need to seek advice? He thinks our boy should live with me and see him one night in the week and at weekends which I'm ok with.. am I missing something? Seems too straightforward?
It's worth having a free half hour with a local solicitor to sense check it.
Yes that's good advice I'll google and see if I can find ones where you get a free half hour thanks
Also try wikivorce calculator but not sure how accurate that is. Child maintenance website will also tell you what you should get. Also try Citizens Advice, they are always really handy and helpful and free.
I'd say a DIY divorce is ok if it's a straight forward split with no maintenance/child support or other finances involved a DIY divorce is doable. I'm going through a divorce myself(straight split no finances or DC involved) and went for the DIY option thinking, it's only a few forms but I've not not found it that easy tbh - I've found the form filling quite stressful (if you get it wrong it adds to the court costs and delays the divorce)
I've now found a solicitor on Wikivorce to offload my part way through divorce on to and they're taking over the rest of it. I can't tell you the relief I feel at not having the worry of doing it anymore.
Thanks everyone I just feel so stressed and upset. I've been pushing him into a divorce for a long time out of desperation because things were so bad... but now he has said just this week that he's made his mind up and that's it there's nothing I can do. This has been a pattern over the years with him manipulating the situation so I end up being the one who is desperate when we are on the verge of breaking up. Our boy is only 14 months old and the house is going on the market in two weeks, he has found another job in a different part of the country (we talked about us both doing this and moving there together) but now this...
I have to go through this, sell the house, somehow find another job for myself all whilst dealing with this. I'm really struggling
As a main carer for a dependant you are at a disadvantage financially, therefore the nrp taking a 50% share of assest is unfair. In real terms they are walking away with 85%
Juice, let him move away if he wants but you don't have to move, you don't have to change job - slow down, take your time.
Go and see a solicitor, before putting the house for sale in two weeks and get some advise about your choices
Definitely see a lawyer, you'd be crazy not to. You will be living as a single parent of a very young child and finding work to support yourself and fit in with your child's needs may not be straightforward. He will be living a straightforward single person life.
How will he have his son one night per week if he's moving to another part of the country?? Do you have support of family and friends where you currently live?
So we moved to Yorkshire together we are both from Lancashire all our family are there there's no one here.
We had planned to move back there as he was losing his job, he got a new job starting at some point (could be a few more months yet) in Lancashire on the plan that we would all move back there when we sold the house and I found another job.. if that all didn't happen simultaneously which is unlikely then he would just live there and see us at weekends...
But now we are separating... I'm still in the same position I guess as I'm looking for a new job, selling the house etc but emotionally I'm a wreck because of the seperation bit.. I found a really good job that I started to apply for but because of all this crap I just haven't been able to do it the closing date is friday.. our 14 month old is a terrible sleeper always has been so I'm just so exhausted and literally feel at breaking point like what else can I cope with before I break,..
Thanks for taking the time to comment I really appreciate it ivykatie and sunbeam I hadn't even thought of that point at all about me being at a disadvantage he just said 'you will have to work full time now to manage' and I just assumed I would have to do (I'm part time since having our son)
I guess the move was always enevitable I didn't make that clear in my original post I don't think coz all our family is there so it would make sense to go back rather than stay here it just feels such a lot to cope with, I'm just crying in a morning as soon as I open my eyes even in the car on the way to work and my functioning generally is really poor. I know people go through this all the time and live to tell the tale but I just feel wretched! The worst part of it is I feel like now I've 'talked him round' so he's saying we will give it another go but really that's deflecting away from the reasons why we are in this mess in the first place and i was the one that wants a divorce anyway for ages! Aggrhhh so stressful but thanks so much for the advice I genuinely hadn't thought about some of the points you've made
There is always the option of DIY/Online divorce with mediation to ensure a fair division of assets and childcare arrangements.
This does require two willing parties but can achieve great results.
Without involving lawyers, running up huge bills or escalating the situation.
Mediation is a lot cheaper than involving lawyers and legal aid is available for mediation if you meet the criteria.
No you don't have to work full time outside the home, just because. You already have a full time job as a mum and a part time job outside that. So working towards jobs is hard enough.
It's not a simple case if putting children into childcare and going to work full time - it does work like that as DC aren't robots. How will you cover 13 weeks school holidays? Even if you both do 8 weeks will he pay for the other 4 weeks? I doubt it Very much, it will be left for you to manage. Along with a whole set of other issues surrounding being a full time solo parent.
Go and seek advise, you caN still do Mediation, keep your options open, keep your job, keep your house and see how things are when he Moves out for his new job
Of course you are upset, very understandably. Your baby is still young and courts will not expect you to work fulltime if you are not able to do so.
Put yourself first - don't put the house on the market if you are not ready yet. Selling is stressful and might not be the right time for you.
Take a few weeks to look at the various options. Talk with family and a solicitor and then speak with your H to work out what suits you.
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