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Divorce/separation

Why would I not want to go ahead with decree nisi?

5 replies

OhBlissOhJoy · 05/02/2017 00:56

I'm divorcing STBXH because of his adultery. Since then he has threatened me, lied to me, stolen from me. This week my solicitor has applied for the decree nisi. Today I got a text from him asking me if I am sure that is what I want.
Of course it is what I want given the above but I am feeling slightly apprehensive that there is maybe something I have missed or that my solicitor hasn't told me about the process that would make me want to slow things down. We haven't come to a financial settlement yet but I don't think that should stop me ploughing ahead with the divorce. Am I missing something? Or is it just attention seeking or him thinking I am still in love with him?

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OhBlissOhJoy · 05/02/2017 01:00

Sorry, posted too soon. He has dragged his heels with all of the paperwork and I am wondering if this is not what he wants and he is projecting. I've not done the pick me dance at all, threw him out as soon as I found out and have been NC for as long as I could until the house sale forced us back into contact.

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heppi · 05/02/2017 01:08

My guess is that he somehow believes that all this has been you 'punishing' him, and that eventually you'd decide he'd had enough and you'd take him back.

He hasn't taken you seriously and has pushed back against the punishment. You starting the actual legal process has come as a surprise so perfectly reasonable (in his distorted view) to check whether you mean it.

You keep going, don't let him make you doubt yourself.

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OhBlissOhJoy · 05/02/2017 11:50

Thanks Heppi, yes I do think he has been punishing me - he has blamed me from day one even though he's the one that cheated! He's started gaslighting me since we split up so maybe this is just more of that.
As long as it's personal not legal I can deal with it.

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lovenancy · 05/02/2017 13:25

My solicitor has told me not to apply for the decree absolute until the financial separation has been agreed but nothing to stop you getting the decree nisi.

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OhBlissOhJoy · 05/02/2017 20:41

Thanks Nancy. I agree with you. Talking finances this week, hopefully we can get some resolution without needing to go to court. Sorry you are going through it too