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He's been cheating

(8 Posts)
Hellowyellow Sun 05-Feb-17 00:05:04

Hi, need some advice please. Recently found out partner has been cheating (again). He denies it but I'm 100% sure. Want to get out of the relationship - I've forgiven once and can't do again. I deserve better.

My question is, what is the best way to do this? At the moment I am acting normal and I reckon he thinks he's got away with it.

We own a house as joint tenants. We have a dd 18 months old. He works full time, shifts, I work 3 days/week 8-4.30. Our childcare is arranged around my work so I pick up and drop off. I have set days (not weekends), he works 2/5 weekends. We both currently pay into a joint account for joint and child expenses - he contributes around £1500, I put in £600. (His earning c.£40000, mine £15000).

Should I go full time for a while to better my chances of getting a mortgage in the future? I don't really want to go back to renting. Does anyone know what I'm entitled to re childcare (me providing)? Would I be in a stronger position if I can prove/make him admit his infidelity? (We're not married.) How much can I arrange without letting him know? I want to get my ducks in a row before I let him know he's busted.

Thank you in advance...smile

Hellowyellow Sun 05-Feb-17 00:11:30

Sorry just realised that was a lot of boring detail! Main question is, what will put me in the strongest position for getting away from him and providing a good life for my daughter and me?

As a side note, the dirty fucking cheat. I'm furious.

buttonmoonb4tea Sun 05-Feb-17 00:23:30

Hi OP didn't want to read and run. In terms of getting a mortgage in the future you may still get one based on your current salary and tax credits. Some mortgage companies still take into account tax credits and maintenance so make sure you claim make the twat pay these when you have split.

I'd see a solicitor about where you stand regarding the house, as you may not have to sell asap due to having a dependent, but don't quote me.

Also get yourself booked in for an STI check for peace of mind.

Sorry you're going through this, you've done the right thing posting here. I'm sure other MN will be along shortly to give advice wineflowers

Hellowyellow Sun 05-Feb-17 00:35:01

Thank you buttonmoon really appreciate the advice. Ideally I'd like to make him admit he's been a cheating cunt, then I can legitimately ask him to move out whilst we're getting all this sorted. It's so damn complicated but I'm so done being treated like shit.

Definitely need an sti check, I will get on to this on Monday. He did one in secret so I've clearly been exposed to something, didn't think to tell me though did he cunt.

Thank you again, MN is my saviour and I've a feeling I'll be calling on it a lot to get me through this horrible process sad

jeaux90 Sun 05-Feb-17 08:56:45

Hellow if you need more support then the relationships threads gets more traffic so post there. Good luck xxx

Kelsar Sun 05-Feb-17 09:04:24

Hi. Yes I agree I would definitely go and get yourself checked out.

I also think the first thing to do would be to book yourself an appointment with a solicitor and see where you stand.

Another affair? How did you react last time?

Hellowyellow Mon 06-Feb-17 20:39:16

It wasn't an affair so much as lots of random one night stands...who knows what it is this time. We went through it all last time, anger, denial, grief...I tried to forgive and forget as I found out I was pregnant in the middle of it all (and I was scared to leave) but tbh I haven't been able to do either.

He got away with saying that he hadn't been ready for a relationship, commitment etc the first time and I stupidly believed him. I can't believe he's actually done it again after what he put me through before. Now I just realise that he's an idiot who has a very unsavoury side to his character that I don't like at all. I'm looking forward to getting rid of him.

CaliforniaHorcrux Mon 06-Feb-17 21:12:08

As you're not married it is property law that applies re your house, not family law

I'm not a lawyer but I don't think his infidelity will make a scrap of difference in your case

As you know you can get child support regardless

You'll be able to get some good advice over on the Wikivorce website (you don't have to be married to use that) from people who are trained/experienced in your situation

Good luck getting it resolved

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