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Pros/Cons of mediation

(17 Posts)
JLbaby Thu 26-Jan-17 12:25:25

Hi all

I'm at the very start of the separation process from husband (EA, controlling behaviour) and I don't qualify for legal aid. Rather than racking up thousands in legal fees I've been advised to mediate and I was wondering if anyone has any personal experience as to whether the service is any good? Does it also include child custody arrangements, or is it just the financial aspects?

Do you generally just need one mediation session to sort things, or is that a "how long is a piece of string" question!?

Thanks

BamboozledByPaperClips Thu 26-Jan-17 14:16:50

I've yet to have ours, but from what I understand, you can mediate for both child arrangements and financial settlement. However it isn't legally binding. You have as many sessions as you feel nessesary, but obviously the seasions aren't free so the quicker you reach an agreement the better. You can get signed off, I think, if the mediator feels that no progress is being made. HTH.

JLbaby Thu 26-Jan-17 14:19:24

Ah I didn't realise they weren't legally binding....I guess that could potentially be a problem if things aren't amicable?

Have you been for the initial consultation yet?

fallenempires Thu 26-Jan-17 14:38:35

It's a long time since my divorce but yes it was useful to sort out the financial aspect of things.IIRC it was about 4 sessions.The paperwork is then passed onto both solicitors and becomes the consent order.

JLbaby Thu 26-Jan-17 14:56:34

Ok, but what if you don't have a solicitor? I thought the whole reason you go down the mediation route is so you don't have to engage a solicitor?

BamboozledByPaperClips Thu 26-Jan-17 14:59:36

I haven't yet. My STBXH has stalled as much as he can. I feel like it will just be another way to manipulate me. He has a habit of agreeing to things then pretending that conversations haven't happened. I will try it for a few sessions and see if we can reach an agreement. If not I'm prepared for court for both the settlement and child arrangements.

BamboozledByPaperClips Thu 26-Jan-17 15:01:37

You will still need a solicitor to draw up a consent order. But that should be fairly straight forward incentives everything is agreed.

BamboozledByPaperClips Thu 26-Jan-17 15:02:56

* that should say, if everything is agreed. Gahh!

fallenempires Thu 26-Jan-17 15:11:07

The consent order has to be drawn up by a solicitor.Have you considered asking on the legal board for recommendations in your area?In my own case I had a recommendation from a friend,I then discovered that another friend had also used the same solicitor,and she was indeed a SHL!smile

JLbaby Thu 26-Jan-17 15:22:46

Thank you. Yes I'll ask on the legal board thank you. I have asked on the divorce/separation board, but I think the legal board is probably the better place actually.

fallenempires Thu 26-Jan-17 15:26:00

Best of luck to you.smile

user1486334704 Sun 05-Feb-17 23:05:30

Sadly, even with a 'mediation agreement' agreed to by both parties and then ratified with a Court Order, breaches of such orders rarely matter a jot & simply means more costs for the 'aggrieved' to bring the other (the breacher) back to Court - especially the case for child consent / residency orders.

FV45 Mon 06-Feb-17 12:38:05

Who are you getting advice from?

Both parties have to go to at least an initial (MIAM) meeting before you can proceed with divorce. You may be exempt from going (due to abuse) in which case you will still need an exemption form.

Mediation for finances and child arrangements are entirely separate. You do not need to resolve the latter for divorce, only the former.

NotJanine Wed 08-Feb-17 17:59:53

You don't have to go to a mediation session if you agree the consent order terms between the two of you.

You then just take the information to a solicitor and they draw it up for you.

Fidelia Thu 09-Feb-17 07:40:58

From experience....don't mediate in the same room if there's been EA. If you REALLY want to mediate, then ask for separate rooms.

JLbaby Thu 09-Feb-17 08:03:18

Thanks all. Fidelia - good point, there's no way I'd do it in the same room. IFV45 - I've had advice from a solicitor.

FV45 Thu 09-Feb-17 09:10:03

janine yes, you're right, sorry, you don't have to go to mediation, only if you're going to Court cos you can't reach an agreement.

baby it's called shuttle mediation.
The benefits of being in the same room are that you can be aware of exactly what each party is saying, and a good mediator will quickly stamp on any abuse.

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