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Found out today partner hiring hotel rooms for sex

(15 Posts)
airhostess Sun 22-Jan-17 18:14:07

Hi, He travels with work and stays away. He told me he was in Scotland but left his location tracker on. He was at a hotel at Gatwick. I rang the hotel and asked to be put through to his room. No answer. I was awake all night. This morning at 8 he rang to say he's landed and will be home shortly. I put my children in the car, drive to the hotel and blagged the room key. He'd gone but left receipts for a restaurant and the hotel recipes for two nights in the bin.
I rang our bank and they confirmed the payments from our account. I don't have internet access or statements. He has them.
I drove home and he confessed on the door step he stayed in a hotel and often does to get drunk as he's unhappy and has a drink problem.
He then after much encouragement told me he hired a prostitute for £100.
He then changed that to meeting a girl on tinder for sex.
I withdrew cash from the account and packed his bags.
I'm devestated,
I have two children age 5 & 2.
What next?

Fidelia Sun 22-Jan-17 18:27:35

flowers

You need to take some steps to protect yourself

If it's a joint bank account, then go into the branch with photo id, 2 proofs of address and if possible your bank card. Ask for the statements to be sent to you, and ask for printouts for the last 6 months. If you don't have a bank card, ask them to reissue it to you, to be collected from the branch (so that he can't intercept it)

Get yourself down to the GUM clinic to get tested to stds

Apply for all benefits you qualify for. Don't forget to apply for child benefit if you weren't claiming it because he's a higher earner.

Take photocopies of his last 3 payslips (for child maintenance)

Get all bills transferred into your name, then, once you've paid the next months bill from the joint account using a bank card, get them transferred to be paid from an account in your name.

Once that's sorted, freeze the joint account so that he can't go into the overdraft (you'd be liable for half the debt)

needmoregin Sun 22-Jan-17 18:58:36

How blady dreadful do you have a close friend you can talk to for support?

airhostess Sun 22-Jan-17 19:12:40

The house is in his and all bills.

airhostess Sun 22-Jan-17 19:13:07

We are not married. He earns 100k

Fidelia Sun 22-Jan-17 19:37:42

I'm sorry OP, I don't know how it works if you're not married, but you can still claim benefits, incl child benefit, and get on to Child Maintenance Options to find out how much he should be paying in child maintenance.

So sorry this is happening to you

Occasionalcunt Sun 22-Jan-17 19:43:21

I'm not saying do this I'm really not but I personally would pretend to forgive, marry the cunt and then take him for half of everything. But then I'm a calculating bitch.

In reality you need to start looking at your options, can you stay at your parents until you get somewhere private rent? Get on your council waiting list too or will he agree to let you stay in the house to keep stability for the children until you can find somewhere? I'm sorry OP you deserve better.flowers

Underthemoonlight Sun 22-Jan-17 19:52:46

Ignore the advice above hmm

Well done for kicking him out
I would ring the council see what your entitled for, could you rent? If not could you go to a family members atleast until you get on your feet again.

It's what I did with ex, went back to my parents, got a job and was able to save up money to get a deposit for rent and furniture flowers

notapizzaeater Sun 22-Jan-17 19:56:47

Have you any real,life support ?

Good for kicking him out - make sure you look after yourself.

airhostess Sun 22-Jan-17 20:01:37

Thanks. I truly value all your opinions.
@occassionalC thank you for making me laugh for the first time.

I have no family. My parents live at a different part of the country my Dad has dementia and it's not the right environment for the boys there.
I've spent today, alone with the boys. My choice. It's been good to cook & look after them otherwise I'd be in a gutter singing Adele having my stomach pumped at some point. Lol.
Jeez what a day.

Occasionalcunt Sun 22-Jan-17 20:11:29

Ignore the advice above hmm

It wasn't advice it was a lighthearted comment. hmmhmm

airhostess Sun 22-Jan-17 20:39:38

In between the pangs of love and absolute hatred, your idea seems great! Thank you, humour is good x

TreeTop7 Mon 23-Jan-17 21:32:39

Child maintenance is based on salary so you'll receive a decent weekly amount. The calculator is at gov.uk.

You can check out benefits on the "entitled to" website. If you can find a school hours job that's not a mega commute (far easier said than done, I know) working tax credits plus the childcare element should mean that you're better off working. That's up to you though,of course.

Your friends will want to help and support you. Let them.

Good luck.

jcne Tue 24-Jan-17 16:51:55

lots of practical advice here already I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to you, and your children, for this spectacular, awful fool

Passion4SUP Wed 25-Jan-17 16:30:30

So sorry to hear this. Rug pulled out from underneath your feet. Keep your mind focused and keep busy. You have two beautiful boys you love, who will keep you busy, focus on the funny, loving things they do and appreciate every moment. Then.... When they're in bed asleep, allow yourself time to do whatever you have to, swear, rant, rave, cry, feel sorry for your self, cut up his clothes, pick yourself up, brush yourself down, make a cuppa. Don't waste your time with the man any more. He's not worth your energy. Focus on you and your happiness.
Focus on how wonderful you are, on your qualities etc. There's a lot of hypnosis down loads which can help with self esteem, relaxation, calming, boundaries etc... I use them regularly and they really do help me.
Practical help, all the above comments are great. Especially marry him then divorce him 😂😂 made me laugh too!!
You will be fine.... You'll be in a different, place in a year's time,probably advising someone going through what you went through too. Chin up chuck, be strong and powerful you. Xxx

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