Don't know where to start but really need help(7 Posts)
Hi all. I'm not overly familiar with this site but I need advice desperately and don't know where to turn.
I'm 30, partner is 40. We have two kids (13, 5).
I have a long term illness which means I'm unable to work as I spend long periods in hospital. I have very little in way of disposable income and no real friends (or relatives to speak of) that are nearby who could help.
He controls all the finances. He pays the rent and I contribute to bills 50% where I can, but because he works full time i/we aren't entitled to any financial assistance from the government so my only source of £ is: child tax credit and child benefit. Even as a chronically ill person I don't qualify for anything under new guidelines from atos.
Tl; dr: i need to leave him because he is emotionally abusive, volatile, manipulative. He has never hit me but has threatened to. He screams at me and the kids all the time, has no patience with anyone or anything, all he cares about is himself and his work. He's always been quite focused and selfish but in recent years he's gotten worse and worse. He has never supported me emotionally, but the final kick in the teeth came when I was very sick last November, he accused me of faking it for attention even when I was having a blood transfusion, called the hospital and asked when I'd be discharged because this was causing him to lose time off work...
Sorry this post is a total mess but I have to write quickly while he's out, basically I don't know where to turn, who to contact or what to do all I know is that I have to leave now, it's reached a critical stage and my kids are suffering. What do I do?
Hi Yozzle, didn't want to read and run off. As a starting point, I would recommend you find some time to speak to Rights of Women:
You should also be able to get free 30-mins consultation with a solicitor.
I hope you have one or two close friends you can rely on. It's important that you don't deal with this on your own.
Hang in there....
Thank you for the advice, I am kind of alone here as we moved across the country a few years ago, so although I do have friends none are in close proximity. It makes all the difference to have someone nearby, I agree. Fingers crossed I can make a fresh start soon.
Rights of Women. Women's Aid. The CAB. Also, mention your situation to your GP when you next visit. You're a victim of DV and it is serious, so get help where you can.
And keep posting here, of course.
I can't advise on the abuse that you seem to be suffering but I wanted to say that I would think you should be able to claim PIP, it isn't income related as far as I am aware. If you have had an unsuccessful claim before it doesn't exclude you from applying again. When/if you speak to woman's aid they may be able to help with that although this may be something you don't want to do right now.
Thanks all, I did apply for PIP and income support a few years ago when it just came out to replace (I think?) Incapacity Benefit, but was told I did not qualify in spite of having spent the previous 7 months in and out of hospital relying on morphine for pain relief..They were crazily strict. But I will try again now that my circumstances have changed. Thanks for all the tips and info.
Definitely worth applying for pip again but if you can get some help with filling it in that would be good. Should they reject the initial application you then ask for a mandatory reconsideration and then go onto tribunal/appeal. Something ridiculous like 70% of people are successful at appeal.
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