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Separated but living together, struggling with the kids behaviour

(4 Posts)
BamboozledByPaperClips Sun 15-Jan-17 05:49:14

I know I should probably put this in parenting, I'm hoping someone has gone through the same here. So we're all still living together, he refuses to move out, I'm a sahp.

Kids are 5 & nearly 3. I seem to be the punch bag and it's really getting me down. I'm constantly getting I want daddy, grandma etc when I'm trying to impose any boundaries or my youngest is being very physical. I get kicked, punched, bitten and I don't know how to deal with it to be honest. I know they're both hurting but STBX won't allow me to have the conversation with them. And on the flip side they're being told that I'm trying to steal all of daddy's money. So although they've twigged that things aren't good they have no idea that we are divorcing.

It's such a flipping mess. And I'm furiously trying to get us out of it without STBXH's cooperation.

OP’s posts: |
Hermonie2016 Sun 15-Jan-17 09:50:23

Difficult as some of it could be normal toddler testing boundaries behaviour.

How long is the situation going to last for?
I don't think your H can unilaterally decide not to tell the children but it is wise to have a plan for when they ask questions, such as where will Daddy live etc

I would not rise to any comments about money, easy to say, hard to do! Use a stock phrase, daddy & mummy work out the money together or whatever feels neutral.

I think at their ages your children will get used to the situation quite quickly so longer term you may have less issues.

I had a really challenging boy at that age, very physical as well.It was just a stage and consistent boundaries really helped but God it was exhausting.I dreaded some days and by 4pm would be wiped out.Does he go to nursery, playgroups. I found being out of the house was better than in as he had low concentration for indoor activities. He is now a wonderful boy, bright, loving and would be aggressive with me so keep the faith. It got better but if I'm honest it was really school age that helped.

You have to find ways to care for yourself because it's so draining anyway without a separation. Food is vital for your energy and moods, healthy snacks to keep your energy levels stable and get yourself to bed early.

Penfold007 Sun 15-Jan-17 10:17:49

You don't need STBX's permission to tell DC, in an age appropriate way, that you are separating.
Get all important documents together, check out what benefits, tax credits and child maintenance you may be entitled to, look into going back to work and child care options. Get some legal advice you really can't afford not to.
What are your plans for housing and co-parenting?
If you haven't already stop sharing a bed with him and don't wash, iron, cook etc for him. You are now just two people house sharing.

BamboozledByPaperClips Sun 15-Jan-17 14:45:18

Its Dd, not that it makes much difference. It's so flipping exhausting, from the moment she gets up, today it was 5am to the time she gets to bed, there's no let up. This weekend has been pretty shit if I'm honest. I take them out most days they end up fighting between themselves. I know most kids do the "I want daddy routine" but at the moment It just makes me feel crap. I'll ask her key worker at preschool but as far as I know it's only me who's bearing the brunt.

Absolutely no bed sharing,washing, eating together going on here! I can't stand his face. He wants 50/50. I'm not convinced it's in the children's best interests. He's been working 14 hr days for as long as I can remember although he's trying to manouver himself and MIL into it. He says he's quitting his job in August.

I would be out of here sooner but he's playing silly buggers, refusing to accept its over. I have no access to finances, we have plenty. I saw a couple of letting agents who wouldn't consider me without a guarantor. I have no one who can do it.

I'm in the process of applying for benefits, I've applied for a council house, SHL sorted, I can't consider working just yet, I'm at full capacity with what I can cope with atm. I will do, once I've relocated.

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