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How do you encourage STBXH to leave?!!

(25 Posts)
CreamTeaTotty Sat 14-Jan-17 22:25:34

I'm divorcing, petition being handed to him on Tuesday.

I decided our marriage was over at the end of Nov (he's a cheat). Initially he agreed to move out in early Jan.

He's still here and not making plans to leave. He's sleeping on the sofa and the atmosphere is awful. Horribly confusing for the kids.

My solicitor says he can string it out for months if he chooses. Which will be horrid.

Hermonie2016 Sun 15-Jan-17 09:35:13

Yes, he doesn't have to go.Where would he go? Do you have the funds for rental? Even if its using savings or drawing on mortgage? Does he has OW to go to?

What's the likely outcome of house when divorced? I would start with that and try to work backwards.

Some men take the head in sand approach not believing it will happen. Perhaps he thinks you will weaken in your resolve.The petition may change get his mind.

I would try to keep calm but consistently repeat the marriage is over and it's best we start living separate lives.Calm is best, getting into argument shows him you may still be emotionally invested.

CreamTeaTotty Sun 15-Jan-17 10:49:45

I have been advised by solicitor and CAB to stay here with my two kids.
He earns 57K I earn 6K.
He can afford to move out and rent but won't.
He has an OW but she is married with kids and her husband doesn't know.

CreamTeaTotty Sun 15-Jan-17 10:52:22

I want to stay in the house and for him to pay the mortgage (£249 a month) until youngest is 18.

He's obsessed with money and very mean (one of the reasons I'm divorcing him).

WeeMcBeastie Sun 15-Jan-17 15:26:46

I can sympathise with this. I had to put up with this set up 9 months before my ex moved out. He said he would go after 3 months but then sent me texts begging me to give him another chance - although this meant staying in separate bedrooms and 'being able to see other people' hmm I wasn't happy about this and it obviously didn't work. He came home one day and informed me that he would be moving out, he was still there 6 weeks later. I had to give him a deadline in the end. The atmosphere was horrible for everyone and so much better once he finally left. I would try to encourage him to go as soon as possible.

BamboozledByPaperClips Sun 15-Jan-17 17:52:43

Tis' shit istnt it?! I wouldn't hold out for the petition to change his mind. My STBXH is still holding out that I'll change my mind whilst dragging my name through the mud hmm.

jeaux90 Sun 15-Jan-17 18:42:23

He has also probably been advised to stay. If he moves out it proves he can afford to and has an implication on the financial settlement is my understanding.

NooNooMummy Sun 15-Jan-17 20:56:32

Wtf? Why are so many people going through this?!! Who advises men to do this?!! I just changed the locks and told my STBX to stay away but the property was in my sole name, I paid all the bills and he'd physically attacked me and the police had been involved... I'd say, take the risk and just change the locks 😳

NooNooMummy Sun 15-Jan-17 20:58:29

You have my sympathy. Whatever you do, things WILL get better eventually.

BamboozledByPaperClips Sun 15-Jan-17 21:50:33

Noo the reason you could do that is because the property was in your name and your stbx had no rights to it? Its bad advice to just change the locks although I'm not sure what exactly would happen if you did.

By God I wish I could do it, it would save me so much grief.

CreamTeaTotty Sun 15-Jan-17 23:09:15

The house is in his name so I can't.

This evening he is out with the OW and thinks I don't know. Utter bastard. The twat even boasted this on FB earlier today saying he was 'feeling excited'.

It's awful. I just don't know how to make him go. sad

CreamTeaTotty Sun 15-Jan-17 23:10:35

Oh and he CAN afford to leave. He's just being an awkward sod.

PenguinsandPebbles Sun 15-Jan-17 23:14:48

This is a bit of a low move, possibly not the best advise and I'm sure your lawyer would advise against it but considering he sounds so very delightful... could you threaten to tell her husband unless he goes?

Jb291 Sun 15-Jan-17 23:16:07

I would definitely be making sure that the OWs husband is made aware of what has been going on. If the OW was thrown out by her husband might it then encourage your cheating sod of a husband to leave

CreamTeaTotty Sun 15-Jan-17 23:16:40

That thought had occurred to me earlier actually. Not sure if it would come back on me. I will ask the question of my solicitor this week.

CreamTeaTotty Sun 15-Jan-17 23:18:05

I have an address but not a phone number. They live out in the sticks and I don't drive. Was thinking of sending a boring looking typed bit of post to him.

FurryDogMother Sun 15-Jan-17 23:18:26

Prawns in the sofa?

scottishdiem Sun 15-Jan-17 23:19:18

Did he have the house before meeting you? If so then he's hanging around to keep it I think. Plus to be annoying.

kittybiscuits Sun 15-Jan-17 23:22:41

I fought dirty. I had proof ex was bringing women into family home when we were at work/school. He had promised to move out but then refused. I told him if he forced me to move into a rented house with the children I would explain why we were having to do that. I would think that threatening to name OW as correspondent in divorce and sending a copy to the OW's husband might give him a nudge.

CreamTeaTotty Sun 15-Jan-17 23:30:15

No we've only been here 5 years. He put it in his name sneakily a few months ago.

jeaux90 Sun 15-Jan-17 23:31:42

You could threaten to tell the husband put your best poker face on, but don't actually do it. You have no idea what the OW's situation is. She might be in an abusive relationship and I wouldn't want to be responsible for that kind of outcome.

End of the day though it's a joint asset so he doesn't have to go. Sorry! Bloody awful x

kittybiscuits Sun 15-Jan-17 23:32:10

Have you registered an interest in the property so he can't sell it?

CreamTeaTotty Sun 15-Jan-17 23:43:42

Yes I've done the Land Registry form

BamboozledByPaperClips Mon 16-Jan-17 07:02:41

In that case there's not much you can do apart from making it as uncomfortable as possible. Be bright and breezy around the kids. No washing, meals cooked or ironing done for him. My STBXH has suddenly found out how various electrical appliances work after years of strategic incompetence.

And I would certainly be finding a way to tell OW's husband, perhaphs post him a note. I doubt women in abusive relationships are in the business of destroying families.

jeaux90 Mon 16-Jan-17 08:39:25

Really bambooz you have absolutely no clue whether the OW is in an abusive situation or not. There are plenty of posts from women on here who are and have affairs. She isn't destroying the OP marriage, her DH is.

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