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Did anyone else separate at new year?

(69 Posts)
Krap Tue 03-Jan-17 01:13:59

After a couple of years of unhappiness, and a few months of real relationship breakdown, myself and DH have called time.
We have 4 DC and will be co-habiting in the same house until a financial settlement is reached and I am able to buy my own place, so could be a looong time.
I've moved to my Daughters bedroom while she's in with her younger sister.
We told the children and our immediate families but no one else yet, though that will change by the end of the week when the children tell all and sundry at school.
I instigated the breakup but he knows we had massive problems and wasn't fighting it in the end. We're fairly amicable at the moment.
Anyone else want to join in on my very uncertain journey forwards?

twatbadgingcuntfuckerymark2 Tue 03-Jan-17 07:59:51


I found out new years day my partner of 2 years is still married but also having a 9mth affair with another woman.

daisymai08 Tue 03-Jan-17 12:28:57

Mine happened 3 weeks before - co ha biting also till house is resolved - instructing divorce this week!
Pleased it's happening but god it's stressful

TreeTop7 Tue 03-Jan-17 12:41:08

My husband and I separated last Thursday after a sham Christmas. He went to visit his parents (they don't live nearby) and will return today at some point. Dreading the next few weeks. My elderly parents have been supportive. Our children are unaware.

Krap Tue 03-Jan-17 13:02:24

Oh twatbad, that must be hell! I'm so sorry
Tree, the next chapter is going to be awful, I'm sure, let's hope the light at the end of the tunnel isn't too far away. I hope you get the result you want this afternoon. My parents are a bit crap with emotional stuff, I haven't particularly had the response I'd hoped for.

Daisy, I'm very relieved too. Bordering on ecstatic tbh! But I can't outwardly show that, obviously, but just the last two nights sleeping alone and watching my shit on the telly feels so liberating and I can't wait for it to be that time of day and not to have to play at some charade of happy marriage while we just sit there ignoring one another.

daisymai08 Tue 03-Jan-17 13:06:15

Oh my god Krap I'm so with you on that.....onwards and upwards - hopefully come spring we can both celebrate xx

twatbadgingcuntfuckerymark2 Tue 03-Jan-17 13:12:17

I'm getting over it pretty fast OP. So so many lies. I started a thread about them. Surprising how quickly you can pick yourself up with somethings isn't it?

More lies are coming out over the days since too. I feel so relieved now that I wasn't a shitty, unloving partner and it was all him.

Krap Tue 03-Jan-17 13:29:59

Twat, you're doing great by the sounds of it! Was it all a shock, did you just find out one day? He does sound like a very good liar to hold it all together for all that time.
You can absolutely hold your head up and know none of it was your doing.
I'm a little bit six of one, half a dozen of the other - in that ... while I'm not sure I was ever truly happy, I think I settled for good man rather than sparks flying. But then he turned out to be a bit of a shit who has chipped away at me, one snide comment at a time.
I think he's been financially abusive too as I'm almost certain he has hid money from me. All the bills are in his name, I have had no access to any of his accounts. We don't have a joint account. He has a credit card that I put household expenses on but even that's not joint, I'm just a named cardholder like an employee ... which is basically how he talks to me and treats me.

twatbadgingcuntfuckerymark2 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:41:53

Oh I found out about the Wife first. 3 months before the GF but my gut knew it wasn't the whole truth. I said to him repeatedly. You are keeping something from me. I know you are and he swore blind he wasn't. I accepted this but kept looking online for information.

Then I discovered the girlfriend when I asked him about the girlfriend he fobbed her off as a friend. I accepted to him but I knew it was her.

I discovered this via social media. It was a post on new years day. I saw it at 6am. That confirmed my suspicions.

I commented on the picture first nothing ragey. Then sent her a private message with much more detail and what I knew.

I then screen grabbed the picture. Sent it to the ex and demanded to know what the fuck was going on so she got the messages before he had chance to concoct a story.

She called me with him in the room, my insistence I speak on the phone so I knew who I was talking too and it all came out.

I raged at him called him a cunt a liar a cheat and arsehole. He was of course just muttering 'twat, you know that's not true' when I yelled at him we had had sex recently. Told the GF I would message her all my proof we were together and I did. Every last bit. Including my call log dated and timed with length of calls to him. Calls when he said to her he needed to go out shock

I also told the Wife what had happened. I didn't want him grovelling back to her. In another life me and the wife would be ace friends!

I messaged everyone of the friends he had told me about and anyone with his surname in his friends list with a shortened version of events. My very lovely friend set up a public facebook post linking all the accounts he had, the truth and with a fabulous meme so anyone could search his name and find it.

He received so much abuse and angry messages from people he's hurt he's shut down his social media and has no one. Literally no one.

his wife confirmed this. He confirmed this. His friends are disgusted they too were lied to. I've recieved messages from a number of them I haven't replied to.

My battle scars are going to take a long time to heal but I destroyed him like he did to me and to her and to his wife.

Moral of the story, don't piss me off wink

twatbadgingcuntfuckerymark2 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:43:11

Op, he sounds like my DCs dad! he did that though he set up cards in my name and left me with close to 10K of debt.

therealpippi Tue 03-Jan-17 22:51:40


Loving it.

But sad at the same time.

But loving it more. I have been sad for a long time. And nobody gave a shit. There is not much saddness left.

Just joy at being in left in peace.

Krap Wed 04-Jan-17 00:39:58

Twat, that is awesome! shock totally and utterly shit for you though, but well fucking done!!
I doubt he'd get debt in my name, he's self employed so he needs to be financially sound and he's also completely anal about money so I doubt he'd have it in him.

Pippi, I feel exactly the same. flowers

therealpippi Wed 04-Jan-17 09:14:00

Krap I feel I could fly I am so light and free.

I am kind of waiting for the moment I am going to crumble but can't feel it happen...

twatbadgingcuntfuckerymark2 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:22:25

I'm still struggling if I'm honest. I cannot see any fault in his behaviour to suggest he didn't still care if you can believe that. sigh I think I need to get back on the horse and have some flings. Maybe.

Krap Sat 07-Jan-17 00:14:57

It'll take time but we'll all find our feet one day ... I've been unhappy for so long that I've been over my husband for a while so I'm not averse to the idea of new relationships although at the same time I feel like I should stay away from men for the foreseeable as I was so young when we met that I've never really been on my own.
I think a fling might not be a bad idea if you're not going to get your head caught up in it. Have a bit of fun.

Meagain84 Sun 08-Jan-17 21:19:25

I split with the hub on New Year's Day. He has depression and a small gambling problem which I found out about in October. I noticed his behaviour becoming really strange from about November and confronted him on New Year's Day. Hoped we could talk about it but he just said he'd leave.
It's the betrayal and hiding things from me that hurts the most.
He wants to come home but I don't want him back now, but can't be blunt about it because I'm scared his depression will get worse.
I feel like the worst person ever for not being completely straight with him and not staying in the relationship, even though neither of us are happy in it.

Beachballl Sun 08-Jan-17 21:31:57

I asked my DH to leave today two kids both late teenagers have told them DH and I have s fall out. Feeling slightly num. House will need to be sold need to read up on some of those declutering threads Not planning on telling anyone yet! Good luck everyone

Meagain84 Mon 09-Jan-17 05:48:58

My little one is only 2.5 and is so confused about daddy not living with us. Very few people know about us as well beachballl. It's always devastating sad

Beachballl Mon 09-Jan-17 19:01:42

Meagain84 sorry to here about your little one being confused, do you have plenty of things to keep them busy. I hope everything works out for the best

Meagain84 Mon 09-Jan-17 21:06:11

You too beachballl. I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible for her and keep her busy. Hard work at the minute though. X

Porffor Mon 09-Jan-17 23:52:42

I don't think i'll be far behind you all. sad it's my own doubts / feeling guilty about wanting to break up our family and uncertainty in terms of housing that are slowing things down. I was honest before xmas and said I didn't feel there was anything left to save, and that we'd work on getting through xmas for the kids, but after that we'd see. There is less now than there was.

Hope things start looking brighter for those struggling.

TomHardysBitontheside Tue 10-Jan-17 20:26:17

Yes. Mine moved out on the 2nd. What is it with New Year and separation?

lilypoppet Tue 10-Jan-17 21:30:11

I'm the same
Still living together for financial reasons but it is very hard.

Meagain84 Tue 10-Jan-17 21:41:51

We're trying marriage counselling tomorrow. I think I'm just doing it for him, as I don't believe it will work in saving the marriage. We'll see though.
Keep your chin up ladies. Xx

Beachballl Tue 10-Jan-17 22:01:11

Great Meagain84 hope the the marriage counciling is of some help either way. I m in a bit of a bad day today we've been together for 25 years !

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