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Any mums of SAHD separations?

(8 Posts)
Porffor Sun 01-Jan-17 17:16:52

I'm in the situation that my DH and I are on the verge of seperation (not sure what terms separation - it's been a month now we've been trying to solve things).

My main issue is, we're joint council tenants and have been for a long time. I'm in part time employment but work nearly full time hours. Before this I was in Uni and we both fostered - so he has been SAHD since we stopped fostering when our youngest was on the way 8 years ago.

If we do part, he is main carer for our 3 daughters. How does this work? how can we split without it being i'm leaving him and our daughters?

Any insight or shared experiences would really help. Thanks

OP’s posts: |
Porffor Sun 01-Jan-17 18:02:38

I should say they're 17, 12 and 7. The 17 year old would likely opt to come with me (i'd be surprised if she didn't) but middle daughter is all about her dad,and youngest is very close to us both but dad does school runs etc.

He's a good dad, so i've no fears there, we are talking - and at the stage of admitting where we're going from here, but I realise that could change.

I would envisage contact being split 50/50 or 60/40 at the least.

OP’s posts: |
Beebeeeight Sun 01-Jan-17 18:07:47

You need to speak to a lawyer.

You could end up losing your DCs and be an every other weekend mum.

This is one of the few situations where it would take a hell of a lot to advise leaving rather than staying in a unhappy relationship.

Porffor Sun 01-Jan-17 18:13:51

Thanks, that is my worst nightmare I must admit.

I have the option of part time work and he is a student so has student income coming in, if we were to stay together we could afford me to reduce my hours on paper, but I don't think I could support myself if the worst happened still.

If we did split he has enough income to cope and I'd have enough in my current job but it's not overly well paid and with rent to pay it wouldn't be pretty still.

I think the roles are just reversed and it shouldn't make a difference but as you say - dads do become every other weekend dads in some situations. I doubt they envisage that either.

OP’s posts: |
mrssapphirebright Wed 04-Jan-17 12:03:27

Hi OP. I divorced my exh and he was practically a SAHD. he works 3 days a week school hours, term time only and i work full time. At the time our dc were 9 and 11. He always did the school run etc. Luckily for us we had enough equity on our marital home that we sold it and both bought new properties. We were amicable and agreed on a 50/50 split which we have stuck to for the past 4 years and its been fine.

We made decisions together though and were both fair. If he had wanted to fight me and take the dc away from me then he probably could've. he could easily have gone for resident parent and kept the marital home.

Porffor Mon 09-Jan-17 21:48:28

Thanks Mrs SB Can I ask how you fit 50/50 around working full time? I work mon-friday and am on call once in 11 days overnight. I don't know how this would fit in honesty. I do sometimes drop D2 to school as she starts early but D3 doesn't like breakfast club so that wouldn't work. D1 is older so easy as she is almost 18 and goes to college on the bus alone.

OP’s posts: |
Beebeeeight Sun 14-May-17 09:13:51

Op are you still around?

How did this work out?

Graceflorrick Sun 14-May-17 09:17:07


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