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Lost, scared and unsure

(3 Posts)
Rubz201 Tue 27-Dec-16 08:00:04

Hi mums , I'm not one for putting my problems out there but have no idea what to do for the best.
Ok so to cut a really long story short I was married at 19 for 13 yrs have 4 amazing children.
3yrs in to my marriage came DV, I lost babies and had some serious injuries. In this time we saw children services twice they were not very helpful and being a ex nurse I felt that they felt like I new where to go if I needed. Plus I didn't speak up.
6yrs ago after a beating I gave birth to my lovely little boy grey he was 10weeks early and I felt so disgusted in my self for not protecting him better I new then that at the very lest my husband would have to leave the home. I found him a flat before I left the hospital but he was still very much involved.
The hardest part was our DV was not ur common case in the 10yrs I hid it so well from my children you see I have p.c.o.s and considered myself very very blessed to have my babies and wanted to give them a picture perfect life (I no) but that was the plan.
Raised by my nan I didn't really have a family and didn't really no my own dad and aside from how he was with me out of the children's sight, he was a loving and dare I say it a very good father and they adored him.
I thought as long as we lived in different house maybe he'd have his space and things would get better they didn't.
So 5 weeks ago I went in to a refuge taking my girls with me and as hard as it be I left my boys as they asked to stay with there dad (11 &6) I new my oldest boy would not of coped with the change as he has Aspergers.
With in 4weks I found my self & myself at the housing with a key worker putting in a homeless application I new nothing of the system as I've always worked and rented private had just got a mortgage and new nothing but about CB & working tax
Next thing I no I'm in a very grotty mouse infested hostal room as hard as it is I just keep telling my self better must come and thank god for the health of my children.
But the behaviour of my ex husband is almost unbearable, he make life so difficult refusing to talk to me and have to talk thro my sons I hate this cos I hear how nervous my son sounds when he's dad is giving him unreasonable messages to give
He drops them to the hotel on weekends but gives no time
Will never have all the children and is always putting me down.
I no what to do and I'm ready to do it cut him off but I'm so scared that this might corse more damaged to my children, then I think of dragging my sons to this place when me and my oldest daughter just about coping with such a change then I think how am I going to work I've lost everything my home my salon and am doing mobile hairdressing and sometimes have to leave my 3yro with my 14yro so I can do a short notice job. But this man seems to hate me because I left even slacking as a dad to get to me which I don't understand as I no he must love them.
I have no family my grandparents raised me and are now passed and I have a half sister but he slept with her a couple years back so I don't even have her no more & am completely on my own I have no money & no home and feel like the worst mum in the world.
As I write this I've not slept and am watching bloody mickys run around our bed , my boys are here for Christmas and me my boys & my 3yro are in one bed wile my teens in the other. I'm having to take back a Christmas toy just to able to give them food for today as he didn't give me there tax credits , I even had to use a food bank( I'm not a snob I'm just usually the one filling food bank boxes in supermarkets)
And as much as I want to tell him when calls abusive to go to hell I keep thinking how can we live like this.
Then I worry who will they have if I get sick like I don't even have a friend too call he made sure of that
My friends we're my clients in my salon.
And 3mths ago I found a lump in my throat and am too terrified to go check it out case it's a sad end to my story and my kids aren't old enough to love & look after there selfies.
I no this sounds mad and really I'm not looking simperphy (it could worse I could be trying to parent in Syria) just practical advice , resources, and a different perspective as I'm so lost as to what's right to do I just no I need to be strong for these children but every day it gets harder & harder to do

10Betty10 Sun 08-Jan-17 23:07:10

I've noticed nobody answered your message. Know this was posted a while ago and you won't probably see this, but I hope you are ok

RedHelenB Mon 09-Jan-17 11:04:04

You need to get a court order allowing you to be in the house. Because there's domestic violence involved you should be eligible for legal aid. Please book an appointment with a solicitor, honestly it can be sorted out.

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