F***ing Bl**dy Judge - please excuse me whilst I rant..................

[Blobby10]

Everything going swimmingly with very amicable divorce, we decided what we wanted then I got a solicitor to do the legal stuff. Nisi received months ago and Financial order submitted 4 weeks ago - hoping to have it dones and dusted for Christmas . Bloody fecking judge has now deemed the financial order - that WE have decided between us - isn't fair and I have to justify the decision! ! For heavens sake - after reading on this site about all the problems that other women are having with their OH being complete arseholes, the courts have to choose MY case to make an issue of when there isn't an issue!!
Surely they should spend their time (and our money!) resolving the deserving cases rather than delaying a case where everyone is happy and has decided what is to happen between them.

To cap it all that will be another £500+ on the bloody solicitors bill

Sorry to rant but its really got me wound up - especially when so many ladies (mainly!) on here are having awful times with ex husbands and partners taking money, houses, children etc. not to mention emotional, mental and physical abuse,.

[worldsworstchildren]

Does this mean the judge is saying it is not a fair deal for you? I would think he would be taking a longer-term view of it than for you to both agree for the sake of keeping things amicable perhaps?

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Does this mean the judge is saying it is not a fair deal for you?

Not necessarily. It can be because it is unfair on the stbxh. From what OP has said it sounds like this is the case.

Whilst it is fruatrating the judge has your uphold the law.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Assuming the OP is female that is

[Blobby10]

Lol yes I am female!! And my ex is male!! I think the frustrating thing is that yes the 'deal' on paper may not seem precisely fair but tbh I have the house and the mortgage paid for the next four years. He doesnt have anything except his pension!

And now I have to justify to someone why this decision has been made! When there are way more deserving cases who really do need the courts to decide if a settlement is fair and who really need help to get money from their exes!

[user1471453601]

Sounds familiar. Husband and I divorced about ten or so years after we seperated. I continued to live in the house and pay all the bills. Very amicably he wanted a divorce (wanted to remarry and buy another house with her). He approached me with the deal that, as I had paid the mortgage etc for so long, he thought I should have the house outright, and as he wanted the divorce, he would pay his solicitor to get the papers sorted.

Everything went according to plan until it went in front of the court. I then got a letter from the court saying that the judge wanted to see me in his chambers to ensure I understood the terms of the settlement.

I understood fine, we had no children together, I had a better pension plan than him. (I knew this as we still worked in the same company) If he'd won the lottery while we'd been apart,or inherited a fortune, it was no concern of mine.

I rang the court, layed out these facts and asked if they would be prepared to pay for me to travel to the other end of the country, a night in a hotel and two days wages.

The divorce was granted.

If you are absolutely sure he is not pulling the financial wool over your eyes, try a similar aporoach

[Blobby10]

user thats really helpful - thank you! I have a telephone meeting with my solicitor on Tuesday and hopefully she will be able to give me some assistance. I trust my STBEx regarding the financial information hes given me but will certainly follow your advice! x

[worldsworstchildren]

Sorry Blobby I didn't mean to message and run last night, things caught up with me.

I presume this is because pensions are a valuable asset these days. Do you have your own pension? If not then you could be financially disadvantaged in the long-term.

The state pension will be laughable in future so your only option may be to sell the house you're in to live off the proceeds.

[Blobby10]

worldsworstchildren no need to apologise! And yes you are right, he has a police pension which is way more valuable than anything you could get anywhere else but I too will have a very good pension it just doesn't look like it on paper at the moment. I just dont want this to cause problems between us - hes already making the 'but I pay way over the odds each month anyway why do they say you have to have some of my pension too' noises. And yes, he does pay over the odds (£1200 then £1000 per month) until 2020 but thats all he pays and cos the kids are older teens and away at work/uni/college he doesn't have them overnight or every other weekend - he just comes round (with my blessing!) or sees them in the pub or whatever as and when.

[DiegeticMuch]

Could you and your ex write jointly to the judge - bypassing the solicitors who I'm sure have been great, but will of course charge - outlining that the two of you are on cordial terms, and content with the legal/financial arrangements? I don't know if that's the done thing but it's worth a shot if you want this done and dusted by Christmas.

[Blobby10]

DiegeticMuch thats a brilliant idea - presenting a united front might just do the trick! THANKYOU!!!!

[sparechange]

You shouldn't be ranting at the judge. It is exactly what they are there for - the clue is in the name!

If anything, the blame lies with your solicitor(s) for not making it clear that it was a negotiated settlement and that you both had legal representation (assuming you did) and the rationale for the order

My solicitor said judges have to make sure both parties have had equal insight into the law so if on paper it looks like you've had a kick ass lawyer, and he has self-represented, and the outcome is you get everything and he gets nothing, of course they will take a closer look
This is to stop abusive parties coercing the other into accepting less than they should get, or to disadvantage those who can't afford as good a lawyer as their ex

[Blobby10]

sparechange I do realise that - honestly! And I know they have a job to do - its just so annoying We really thought our divorce would be straightforward and easy and whilst it isn't as horrendous as some, its not been exactly smooth. We are two equal, consenting and realistic adults who have talked everything through and come to a solution based on what we want - we've been married for 20 years! Yes I could claim on his pension but for reasons I dont want to go into on a public forum, I'm not and I know its the right decision FOR US! In the long run I will be better off.

And I'm just frustrated that I have to justify that to some faceless person to whom we are just a sheet of paper - especially this time of year when it could have all been sorted by now.