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Told him today I've instructed solicitor...

(10 Posts)
ShirleyValentine74 Wed 23-Nov-16 07:11:14

Stbxh initiated the split and wanted to do arrange finances and divorce on our own no solicitor involved. He wanted to walk away with half of the equity and me to settle a loan on a car I need for my self employment with my half of the equity (it's on his name) leaving me with approx 20k. He was willing to pay the min required child maintenance. He earns over 80k pa plus bonus I earn around 7k with no chance of getting a mortgage. Spoke to solicitor who informed me I should be getting more equity and sm as it was a long marriage. So thought it was better solicitor helped me handle settlement. Anyway when told him he got angry and there were tears it was like I initiated everything and was wrong for wanting to secure mine and 2 kids future. He has never spoken to a solicitor (I've spoken to 4 who all said I would have a pretty rough deal if I took his option). Why then do I feel guilty?? I'm not trying to screw him over just want the best for the kids!

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Wed 23-Nov-16 07:14:02

Stick to your guns, OP, you're doing the right thing. He wanted to do this the quick way, and hope he didn't get stung for money in the process. You caught him out and he knows it. Good for you not just rolling over!

ShirleyValentine74 Wed 23-Nov-16 07:31:50

Thanks Viviennewestwoodsknickers (great name btw 😆) I know I've done right it's just throughout the marriage it's always been like he's my third child and I've had to look after him emotionally not financially I know and now he's playing the guilt card. But don't worry I'm toughening up for my kids

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Wed 23-Nov-16 07:36:13

I can't imagine how hard it is, dealing with all of it, but finances are so often acrimonious. Let him cry his crocodile tears and enjoy not having a third child to run around after in the meantime! smile

Lweji Wed 23-Nov-16 07:38:46

The main reason for spousal maintenance is that one often takes a back seat to the other person's career.

Don't feel guilty at all.

Hermonie2016 Wed 23-Nov-16 08:12:27

You are feeling guilty because you are a good person and someone else being upset causes you to reflect.

Even if he was offering you a fantastic deal you really do need a solicitor unless divorce was going to be DIY.

Also remember his pension as that is also an asset.

I suspect when he realises what he will lose he may get angry again.Generally women are happier post of divorce but men realise the grass was actually that much greener.

ShirleyValentine74 Wed 23-Nov-16 08:34:42

Thanks everyone ❤️❤️

eatingtomuch Wed 23-Nov-16 22:31:13

I instructed a solicitor and I'm so pleased I did. I wouldn't have walked away with the settlement I have if I hadn't.
I hadn't thought about his pension but that is now subject to a pension share. You need to look after yourself and the kids. You also need to think about your future. I supported my ex carer at the expense of my future earnings and pension because I believed we were planning a little life together.

LewisAH16 Thu 24-Nov-16 14:55:05

I agree. Interesting that he must pay more than minimum. Just at start of process and scared he'll get away lightly. Look at what benefits you are due to to top up your income.

EweAreHere Thu 24-Nov-16 15:02:06

He was trying to screw you over. And his own kids.

Hold your ground.

It's amazing how some people change when relationships break down ... but to screw over your own kids is just despicable.

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