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Expat worried about future

(8 Posts)
user1479156779 Mon 14-Nov-16 21:21:53

Feeling very scared about my future at the moment. I'm an expat who has been living and working abroad for years - my kids were born here and my whole life is here. I had never been worried about having to leave as my other half qualifies for residency and as his wife I would automatically qualify too. However our relationship has broken down and will eventually lead to divorce. We talked and decided to stay married until I was eligible for residency so that I wouldn't have to leave. However he has started to behave recklessly, conducting affairs with other women some of whom he is randomly contacting on social media and informing that we are separated. If this information is made public this affects my right to residency through him and I may be forced to leave the country - possibly without my kids if he doesn't want them to go (which he doesn't). I have confronted him and he keeps promising to stop but he hasn't and I feel it is only a matter of time before his affairs and the breakdown of our marriage become public knowledge. Has anyone been in a similar situation?! Any words of advice?

SpecialFlowSnake Tue 15-Nov-16 01:02:37

What country?
My mother was very stuck in the same situation. Not much fun for anybody.

jeaux90 Tue 15-Nov-16 08:18:13

If you are in gulf he and you need to be very careful. I split from my partner out there, moved out because I had a work permit but then it took me months and months to negotiate him letting me move back to the uk with my dd. If it's illegal to have sex without marriage there he is being reckless!!

AcrossthePond55 Tue 15-Nov-16 13:11:41

Not a situation I'm familiar with, but if he knows the consequences is it possible he's doing this intentionally with the idea of you having to leave the country and him being able to keep the children there and start a new life with you nowhere in the picture?

What incentive does he have to keep up appearances until you are eligible for residency?

user1479156779 Wed 16-Nov-16 01:44:13

Thanks for the responses, good to know someone is listening! I don't think he's intentionally sabotaging my chances of staying, he would be in trouble too if the immigration department discovered we are separating. While sex outside marriage is not illegal, they could interpret our separation without telling them as fraud. He has a lot of personal issues to resolve, I don't think he ever believed we would separate. Between thinking I was totally naive and knowing I would do anything for my kids I believe he thought I would always stay and play the "good wife" while he did whatever he wanted. It's only just hit home that I will not tolerate his behavior, I think he is shocked and sad and is justifying his current behavior as loneliness because "I don't want him anymore". Which of course is BS because I wouldn't be separating from him if he could keep it in his pants.

I'm just finding the whole situation very stressful. I'm usually very open but have to hide our current situation from everyone and continue the charade. But at the same time he is possibly jeopardising it all behind the scenes. It feels like I'm always the one holding it together and trying, trying, trying only for everything to crash and burn because he does something stupid. Only this time the stakes are a lot higher and the biggest and most dire consequences will be for me.

OlennasWimple Wed 16-Nov-16 01:52:25


How long before you can apply for residency?

Motherfuckers Wed 16-Nov-16 01:52:30

Where are you and how long have you been there?

jeaux90 Wed 16-Nov-16 15:33:22

Do you have to have a work permit to get an rp there and also is there a "sponsorship" model for the kids? If he retains that when you separate it's not ideal (believe me I have that t shirt) the country I was in, I could have a wp and an rp but I wasn't allowed to sponsor my own child because I am woman! Be careful, check all these things out before you make your decision. X

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