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Dh want a divorce- long

(3 Posts)
SparklingXmas Sun 13-Nov-16 20:25:06

Wear do I start?

We met 3 years ago, his partner left him after 22 years and I had split up with my exh after 10 years. He had no children I have two.

We decided to move in together and to manage everything for the children and that part has worked well. Kids are settled, me and exh co-parent well.

I think I struggled with Dh when I moved in, I was probably going through a breakdown after my marriage, moving the kids, managing two jobs etc.

He dragged me from the kitchen to the living room and threw me on the sofa to make me talk ( we were wrapping xmas presents, and I found it difficult emotionally)

I put up with it, again I was accommodating with his family, welcoming them to. Our home ( when they came he would just change and ignore us and go off with his mum and other family, pushed me out so to speak)

I then got pregnant and I wanted to get married, maybe it's cultural. He wasn't keen and it showed, I had to beg for an engagement ring and he did eventually propose in the kitchen. ( he want keen because he said he was with his previous partner for 22 years and they were never married)

Mil was over when dd was born and it was like they wanted her for themselves- I was made to feel guilty because Dh didn't have kids etc. I was upset day 3 and he said I was being a victim, called me a bitch 2 weeks after the birth of our child and went to spend my birthday with his mum and sister.

He slagged me off to his family, called me abusive etc which I think I am- he asked me to sort out the washing, then he complained I'd put too much for washing etc. I mentioned I would put it in the tumble dryer and he went off on one, lecturing me about cost ( we only have the tumble dryer on once a week- normally when he is out) that I'm in debt (1000) and he can't afford to keep me etc. Then said he wouldn't take the kids to a party that afternoon after he said to them he would- I had a migraine, so it was nice that he had offered ( he normally changes his mind with things he's said to me before, and says he's forgotten. And I just filed and shoved him! And told him to tell the children why he wasn't taking them.- he walked off.

He came back and took them

I have been to counselling and have had AD for PND. the counsellor suggested that I ask Dh to write things down and that I had gone through a lot of trauma.

I don't want to get divorced again, he's very good with the children, I can't afford it. I couldn't buy him out and when we brought he house he had more money to put in than me, so he could afford to get somewhere.

I know I'm ranting and I'm sorry- just need to put it down.

MrsBertBibby Mon 14-Nov-16 06:37:55

I think you need to get away from this man. He is shredding your confidence and self worth.

Hermonie2016 Fri 18-Nov-16 21:10:54

It seems your relationship has moved quickly if you have met and had a baby in 3 years. That's not meant as a judgement just a concern if you both really knew each other.

Can you communicate with your husband? Are you able to talk in a calm way? Any relationship can have flare ups but it's how you deal with them and move on.
Not sure from your post but is there physical fighting between you two?

It does sound like you both have lots of issues, 2nd marriages bring more 'baggage' so I believe there has to be better levels of communication..which isn't often the case.

I am about to go through a divorce for my 2nd marriage - I feel awful that I have 'failed' twice but I've not have many serious relationships and have got married and hoped issues would be resolved instead of walking. I should have learnt to be less hopeful and to listen to my gut instinct.

My 2nd marriage was not rushed but we had a child after 5 years together and that was the commitment so marriage followed. To be fair I feel my H has changed in the last few years. I suspect mental health issues but he refuses to acknowledge any problem so I know it will not change.

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