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Divorce Question

(10 Posts)
hombre123 Fri 11-Nov-16 17:23:48

Hi please don't shoot me down because I am a man.
I was looking to get divorce advice and your forum was the only one i could see that actually had people responding.
I want to ask advice and I am trying not to express any opinions

My wife and I separated 3 years ago. I'll add a few details only because it may have a bearing on my question.
I was the one to leave and I left because I had feelings for someone else and i felt my marriage was no longer working. I was not happy . I havent given the full details because I dont want to sound bitter or like I am trying to defend my self.
Anyway my wife was not happy and has hated the person who was the reason for my leaving

We have always been civil throughout the separation
soon after separating we attended mediation and we agreed an amount for child maintenance (we have 1 daughter who is now 13)
we also agreed an amount for spousal maintenance.
These payments have been made every month since we agreed. I have never missed a payment and don't intend to.
At the time of mediation we also agreed the split of the assets with my wife getting 62% and I settled for 38%.
We signed an agreement form in the mediation to this effect. My understanding was that this was the financial matters closed.
Since the separation we have both purchased our own homes (of a similar size) we both live alone except for our daughter I have my daughter 2 nights every week.
In the three years that we have been separated there hasnt been any big dramas so life has been ticking along. we have both settled and agreed that there is no chance of us getting back together. I should mention that I still have a relationship with the someone else who was the reason for my leaving and my wife still doesnt like this person and hence my daughter doesnt like her either.

The problem i have is that my wife wont agree to a divorce, and I am not clear why. Every time i bring it up she says that the timing is not good for her. I asked again this week after 3 years of living apart and she said that the timing is not good and some financial matters have not yet been finalised. I know she was very hurt in the beginning but i think she is mostly over the initial pain and seems to be enjoying her life.

So my question is what are the reasons that she might not want a divorce because its puzzling to me and I am worrying about the "Financial matters" comment because i am afraid she is going to ask for more money - which i really cannot afford.

thanks if you can offer any advice

OhNoNotMyBaby Fri 11-Nov-16 17:26:31

You need a solicitor I think. I thought that you could divorce after a 2-year separation, but you appear to be saying that despite that, your 'wife' can still not agree?... That is clearly bonkers, but then our (UK) divorce / separation laws are bonkers.

Are you sure you can't go ahead regardless?

hombre123 Fri 11-Nov-16 17:36:19

I could go ahead regardless, however I ideally wanted to get her agreement

jeaux90 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:36:20

Perhaps she just likes torturing you. Just crack on and get it done. X

user1479786586 Tue 22-Nov-16 06:34:46

It is the best for you to get out of this marriage. Go ahead.
Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or make you happy.

Source :

hombre123 Tue 22-Nov-16 09:03:39

Thanks all for reading and for those who responded
I have emailed my Solicitor and asked her to go ahead to start the proceeding now

Gini99 Tue 22-Nov-16 09:12:30

You can divorce after two years if you both consent but you have to wait for 5 years without her consent. If she is not consenting then the only way in which your solicitor can start proceedings is if you essentially cite your wife's faults. So to issue papers no you either divorce your wife for adultery (hers not yours and there is nothing in what you have said to suggest that has happened) or for her behaviour having been such that it is unreasonable for you to be expected to live with her.

Given you have to get on with her for your daughter's sake I would think carefully about whether that is what you want to do.

Do you think she is holding out to make it more difficult for you to re-marry?

eatingtomuch Wed 23-Nov-16 22:39:03

Are you likely in come into money?

If you are not divorced your ex would be entitled to a share. I am currently going through the process and my understanding is if a 'clean break' is not included in the divorce then there is the potential for either side to request money of the other.

Cheekychops10 Thu 24-Nov-16 09:40:58

Sounds like she does not want to let go..and perhaps is trying to irritate your new partner.
Could I ask does it really matter in terms of financial/ custody issues what is cited for the reason for divorce? i was told by my solicitors that it does not.

Cheekychops10 Thu 24-Nov-16 09:43:08

should add I was in an abusive relationship and still sorting out custody. My Ex only agreeing to sign papers after 2 yrs are up...therefore not having to cite anything

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