Separation whilst abroad

(15 Posts)
Marinmum Sun 06-Nov-16 12:02:30

Help! English family lived in USA for 12 years, moved back to U.K. For a work project. Husband now wants a divorce. 12 and 10 year old kids. Do I stay in England settle here with kids so I have family, friend support. Husband would see kids once every fortnight, or do we head back to USA at end of school year so kids have there life back and see their dad in a more regular basis. I have friends in USA but no family. Short term USA seems good option but what about long term? If my family get sick and need me, if I get sick???etc etc. don't want to move the kids twice.

Marinmum Sun 06-Nov-16 12:03:01

Checking I've posted

Stormsurfer Sun 06-Nov-16 20:05:06

Didn't want to read and ignore, but I'm not entirely sure what you are asking? You said you moved back, but did your husband not?

KateLivesInEngland Sun 06-Nov-16 20:08:40

Your kids are of an age that you could possibly take their wishes into consideration? Maybe, maybe not - I suppose it depends!

You DH would travel to England from USA fortnightly? That's a big ask and expense, would it dwindle?

WhisperingLoudly Sun 06-Nov-16 20:10:23

Stay in the UK provided your H is consenting to that. If you move back to US he can stop you returning to the UK with your DC and you could be stuck there.

Alorsmum Sun 06-Nov-16 20:10:24

What does your DH think should happen?
How long have you been in England for? If you are here temporarily and the kids are habitually resident in the US he may be able to force you to return there

Alorsmum Sun 06-Nov-16 20:11:28

Alternatively if you do go back to the US and it doesn't work you are stuck there unless he agrees a move or you get a court order.
If he is at all likely to be difficult about this take advice from a specialist lawyer in international children family law - there's a list on the Reunite website

ExpatTrailingSpouse Sun 06-Nov-16 20:15:59

Also in general uk rules are more favorable to the primary custody parent... Including in terms of spousal support and child support. Once you move back to USA to husbands jurisdiction you and kids come under the family law of the state of residency. Also you would then (usually) need his permission to ever remove children again etc or he could file for child abduction under Hague convention if you remove without. Your position without any doubt is likely to be much much stronger if you have established residency in the uk. (I know this as I've spoken to a lawyer in the us who specializes in cross border family law - it's particularly bad in the south). And it all depends on how "friendly" this all is going to be. I would not make any decisions until you've spoken to a lawyer who specializes in uk/us family law, and not make any moves until you've got something in writing re your custody rights and rights of moving kids wherever. Hope that all made sense.

Marinmum Sun 06-Nov-16 20:58:45

Clarifying the situation. Both children, myself and DH are dual nationality. We are hoping to keep the separation amicable and DH is saying it is my decision as I am and always have been primary carer. I really want to make a decision on where we will be for the next 10 years so my ch have some security. We all thought we were only in U.K. For a year, worried it will be too much having parents split up and not going back 'home' ?

ExpatTrailingSpouse Sun 06-Nov-16 21:22:07

i misread that a little - i see you're looking more for advice on what to do for kids sake... there, i can't help. i'm in middle of decision making myself, dual nationality but not to US, but living in US and in a part that is not mother friendly etc.

but what i wrote still stands... unless you have everything in writing before you make the moves etc, your stronger position is likely to be in the UK. i too would like to think things can be amicable, but when it comes down to it you can't predict what the other person will do.

where i live, there is a fairly low cap on child support, regardless of income. and no spousal support if you've been married less than 10 years. so in my case it's better for me to try and leave and establish residency in either country i have citizenship, and then start proceedings.

Hoping I've read your posts right, you were in US for a long time, then back to UK this past year. Husband now wants to split and is going back to US long term. You are now deciding whether to stay in UK or make the move back to US also... Can you hold and see how it goes with the distance? i.e. see how the next year goes with your stbxh being in US and you/kids in UK and how that all works out? Then, when you/the kids have chance to settle from the separation, see how you feel?

HerRoyalNotness Sun 06-Nov-16 21:30:06

Personally I would stay in the U.K. No need to worry about health expenses, family support, social security and just a bit easier to navigate everything. I had to think about this a year ago, and DH would have been in the hook for a lot of child support, but still I didn't have a job and would have noI way to support the Dc.

GingerIvy Sun 06-Nov-16 21:45:04

I would choose the UK over the US to live every time. NHS and family support alone are bound to be invaluable to you.

MrsBertBibby Mon 07-Nov-16 17:47:18

Maybe wait 48 hours before deciding....

LittleCandle Mon 07-Nov-16 17:51:46

I am not an expert in this, but it might also depend on the visas that you and the DC are on to live in the US. You might not be allowed to stay, or you might be deported and the DC stay with your DH. There's an awful lot to think about there.

jeaux90 Tue 08-Nov-16 00:20:22

Yep wait to see who gets elected then make your decision. By the way I moved back to the uk after splitting with my partner out in the gulf. Family and friends are vital as a single parent.

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