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how to keep strong(7 Posts)
I have told my husband that I want us to separate. It's taken a lot of time and strength to get to this point and I feel sick. He has a history of emotional abuse, and a raging temper and I don't want to be with him anymore. He is obviously in a huge amount of pain, hostile to me but lots of tears. He said he feels relieved but is grieving at having to leave his son. I'm struggling seeing him hurting. I need to keep strong but want to be compassionate. This is terrifying. I don't expect it's going to be easy co parenting with him.
Freedom, the thought of being free keeps you strong and the truth that you are doing the right thing for you and your child. Big hug x
Compassion is good and hopefully reciprocated by your husband.However someone who is abusive tends not to have compassion.Once the separation happens and he is seeing his son regularly then concerns will lessen.
How old is your son? We told my ds this weekend and I have cried so much, for the pain we are causing him.
I fear the future but know that without change I will be living a life walking on eggshells.Is it similar for you?
No one wants a marriage to end but if it's destructive or unhealthy then I don't feel you have a choice.We are living longer so you could hace 30-40 years of a life where you fear his reaction.
Train your brain to focus on a positive future, one where you and your son are happy and life is tranquil.It will help to reduce the worries over the future.
He is obviously really hurting at the moment, but closed down and hostile towards me. I really hope we can eventually have a stable and caring co parenting relationship for the sake of our son but I am really worried about it. Our son is two, and used to it just being the two of us as my husband has been working away Monday to Friday for the last year, so I'm hoping that he won't find this too unsettling in the short term. I will be a much better mum to him without all this stress and anxiety every weekend, I know this is the right thing for us, but it's still incredibly daunting. Thank you.
Well done on finding the strength to get to this point. It must be difficult but you absolutely have done the right thing for you and your son. Xxx
You did good. Its best to get out of such marriage which instead of giving happiness gives nothing but anxiety and depression. Wish you a better future. Remember "Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or make you happy."
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OP, well done on finding the strength to leave. I have recently left an abusive relationship too (I have two young DC) and it is liberating. However, the next few weeks will be tough for you so whenever you feel yourself wavering because of your DC, consider this:
I had a call from Social Services / local children services after I called the police on my ex as the DC were present during the incident. When I described the nature of the emotional abuse she said they took such abuse very seriously and that actually by abusing me in front of the DC, my ex was guilty of child abuse. That shocked me to the core but deep down, I knew she was right. It still took me 6 months to leave as he begged me to give him another chance (he was fine for a few months and then back to his abusive ways), but her words gave me the strength to leave. I hope, for the sake of you and your DS, that you find the strength to leave too - even when he begs you to reconsider.
Do you own your home? Can you live separately while all this is going ahead?
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