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it is really happening but when

(6 Posts)
Ididntwetmyself Sun 23-Oct-16 15:14:45

After what feels like years of shitty marriage we have finally agreed to separate. Dh is looking for somewhere to live, kids (2&6) don't know but are getting used to doing things with either him or me.
Depending on the day we can cohabit peacefully or he is hostile as hell and I'm moody.
I'm scared of being the only adult in the house but also can't wait for him to go.
My family don't know anything - it's complicated but I don't think I want to deal with that. I haven't been single for such a long time. I feel so lonely.

hermione2016 Sun 23-Oct-16 23:04:57

Do you have any support? Actually being the only adult can feel so much easier..less mess, less conflict over parenting or chores and of course the whole bed to yourself.smile

Your children are young and I feel that's better as they will grow up with separated parents.

Loneliness can be worse during the transition as you are in half a state.Not yet single but leaving a marriage that probadly was lonely for some time.

It does get so much better.What can you do to give yourself a treat? I find reading uplifting books helpful and reflecting on the positives that I have in my life, such as the children.Try to get out and walk preferably in a tranquil area as it can really help to improve your mood.I've also created a positive playlist (not breakup songs as they make me cry).

There is no doubt however it's hard...none of us want a breakup.

tennisball Mon 24-Oct-16 18:19:40

Hi, I'm in a similar situation. Kids are 10 and 6. We told them yesterday but dh not going until mid November, he's put a deposit down on a house. Marriage has been pretty crap but still feel devastated. Not what I wanted for the kids future. Good to hear I'm not the only one going through this.

Ididntwetmyself Wed 26-Oct-16 22:44:11

Thank you both
Tennisball - you're not alone, I'm not alone, but it does feel that way when life is pulling in all directions and I'm trying to not lose my shit completely, turn into witch mother, and keep my job...
Feels like it is all falling apart.
Hermione2016 actually I don't have much of a support network, friends are all busy or far away or don't know, parents have no idea and live far away and the worry about their response hangs over me too. So, I'm not doing much talking about things or getting away from it or having time to relax. My ds2 is doing his best impression of a distressed koala and tantruming at all hours, and as I work at their school it's the way in to work and way home as well.
I feel like a pressure cooker and this morning burst into tears with him as he refused to get dressed or let me get dressed...
Maybe this post should have been on mental health...
I find the giant arsehole attitude unnecessary,

Ididntwetmyself Wed 26-Oct-16 22:48:00

Sorry - unfinished.
Giant arsehole attitude is dh, he is unable to treat me
Like a human being and can only see me as his much resented soon to be ex partner.
Only drives home the need to split really.
But hard to live with.
I would have liked him to be human about things.
Not an option apparently.

tennisball Fri 28-Oct-16 09:55:46

I know how you feel. I am walking on eggshells now more than ever, desperately trying not to fall out in front of the kids and hang on to some level of 'friendship' so we can at least communicate and plan things like Christmas (dreading it). I've started to tell more people and actually find it helpful. I'm terrified of being single too but also starting to feel a bit excited about the freedom. Sounds like your life will be so much easier once he's gone, think about how nice it will be to be able to get dressed in peace! I'm taking each day as it comes, next challenge a Halloween party with the neighbours. I'll have to tell them all why dh not there, feel ashamed, rejected, embarrassed. But trying to find an inner ninja to be strong and positive! I'd recommend talking to someone else, you might find some support and even if not, I think just saying the words helps to rationalise it.

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