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Advice on current position

(9 Posts)
LilGem1988 Thu 20-Oct-16 06:48:39

Hi everyone,

Please bear with me am a complete newbie to all this!

My husband and I have been separated since April 2014.. he text me across the room one day and informed me he no longer wanted to be married to me. Anyway this was fine only things got nasty and there ended up being police involvement and my son and I were removed from the family home for our own safety until a judge ordered removal of him from the house and we were allowed back home. This consequently led to a non-molestation order being passed to protect me and a prohibited steps order being passed to protect my son and supervised contact being arranged for 6hrs a week.
It became apparent that I had been the victim of domestic abuse for several years but had just assumed that it was the "norm" so it wasn't until a very blunt police officer made it very clear that I realised 😔

I remortgaged the property in January 2015 and did a transfer of equity while giving him a cash pay out. He never financially contributed to the home as I was the main breadwinner and he moved in with me when I was already set up on the property ladder and financially independent so I (stupidly!) carried on living and paying as I always had done and he lived the life of Riley at my expense while I added him onto the mortgage coz that's what I thought married couples did! Anyway I gave him £1500 cash when I remortgaged and we signed a matrimonial separation agreement and matrimonial waiver form as no divorce proceedings had started.

Fast forward a few years and I am now with a new partner and we are planning our future together (although not marriage!) this has led to me putting my house up for sale and us in a process of buying a new home together. Out of nowhere my ex has decided he now wants a divorce after years of saying no.. I'm convinced there is some reason behind it yet he won't let on to anything.
My query is how safe is the house following transfer of equity? I'm worried he's going to ruin my future financially after (unknowingly) having to put up with years of rubbish from him and funding his lifestyle already..
I'm more than happy to go through with the divorce but obviously want to protect myself (and new partner) financially. I earn more now than I did while with him and have just gone back to uni to gain my masters degree and therefore better myself further.
We were married for 25months and have a (now) 3yr old. The court orders originally passed have never been finished due to there still being deemed a risk to both me and my son.
As far as I'm aware he doesn't know about my plans for the future. I would obviously instruct him of my new address due to our son but he doesn't know of my change of jobs or going back to uni etc.

Any advice gratefully received!


OP’s posts: |
MrsBertBibby Thu 20-Oct-16 08:47:59

You need to show the documentation to a family solicitor. Were you advised by a family solicitor when you did the separation agreement? Was he? Or was this just a document for the benefit of the new lender?

LilGem1988 Thu 20-Oct-16 09:05:15

It was documents that were sent to both of us by the conveyancing solicitor that was just us basically agreeing that we had seperated and him signing was to give him no further benefit from the house however I had been informed that this isn't a legally binding document so am confused now as to what rights he still might have?

OP’s posts: |
MrsBertBibby Thu 20-Oct-16 18:01:16

Totally non binding. You need to talk to a family solicitor to go over everything, but he can still bring a full financial claim. Obviously with a short marriage, the assets all coming from you, and your being responsible for the child, things are skewed very much in your favour, but yes, by not sorting it out before, you've left the door open to trouble.

Your new guy should also get separate asvice about ensuring whatever he puts into your new home is protected.

Does he know your home is on the market?

LilGem1988 Thu 20-Oct-16 19:32:22

I attended a free advice clinic at a local solicitors today only to discover that my ex had been already and sought advice and even given my address as his own. This led to the solicitors firm saying they couldn't help me due to conflict of interest so I have made an appointment for another company on Monday.
I haven't informed him of my house being up for sale. I was led to believe and have happily toddled along for these years thinking it was all mine and none of his business what I am doing in life. Obviously I will inform him of a new address due to our son but who I'm living with and where I am living is none of his business in my mind?
He kicked off enough when I was honest enough to inform him that I was considering dating people after we split up which is ironic when I've lost count at the number of women he's been with since we split up. He appears to work on a one rule for him and another for me basis x

OP’s posts: |
PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 20-Oct-16 19:35:05

Obviously I will inform him of a new address due to our son but who I'm living with and where I am living is none of his business in my mind?

Unfortunately as you have no court order for finances it is their business.

LilGem1988 Thu 20-Oct-16 21:04:08

Is that really the case PigletwasPoohsFriend?
He is kept informed of things relating to his son but when it comes to me and what I'm up to then surely that's my business? Does that mean I would need to keep him in the loop of changing jobs, getting a new car, spending my hard earned cash etc? He is unaware of me starting my masters degree and also changing my name by deed poll due to not wishing to be associated with his surname anymore... is this all his business that I should be declaring to him too?
I'm confused as to what exactly he has a right to know about the life that he chose to no longer be a part of... especially when it seems that he only becomes interested when I prove that I can do bigger and better things without him? 😕

OP’s posts: |
MrsBertBibby Fri 21-Oct-16 08:13:09

He has a right to know only in the sense that, if he makes a claim for financial orders within the divorce, as is his right, you will have to provide all the information required by form E, which includes your work, income, capital, pensions, plans to marry if any, and what you know about any partner you live with's finances. As will he, of course. You both in those circumstances have a duty to the Court of full and frank disclosure.

This is why family lawyers tend to be fans of just getting on with getting a divorce and a settlement, rather than leaving it for years and then trying to sort it out.

This case is an extreme example!

hermione2016 Fri 21-Oct-16 11:23:38

I would certainly get legal advice and start the divorce proceeding so that you get a financial order - which is the legal way to close off all financial ties. Do this before buying a house. I appreciate it may slow down your progress but it's best to close off this situation before making it more complicated with new assets.

It is likely that as you had a short marriage, under 3 years you will be protected but as the case law referenced above states your ex has the ability to bring about a claim. Whether or not it's legitimate is for a court ultimately to decide.
He can ask for full disclosure - such as your salary, equity and pensions as these are all assets of the marriage and ultimately you can be asked to share, as often happens with the men in marriages.

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