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Is there ever a good time to do it?

(3 Posts)
Libertybazar Sun 16-Oct-16 16:23:45

Obviously, separation will always be awful and shit.

I've realised in the past year that my relationship with my husband is basically over. It's nothing awful, but in a nutshell (because it would take ages to explain), we have totally different values, goals and interests and are, in my opinion, incompatible. I know i sound a bit casual about it, but I've had this clear in my head for a long time.

I feel absolutely awful about the hurt it will cause to a lot of people, but I really feel that in the long term it will be best for both of us.

I broached how I felt with dh about 5 months ago and he basically put his fingers in his ears, and as far as I'm aware, he thinks that everything is fine.

I have no idea how to tell him that actually, I was serious about what I said, and I would like to start to move forward with separation.

I'm having even more trouble with WHEN to tell him. Things keep coming up- job interviews, my sibling's absolutely awful divorce (which my parents are also stressing out over, and dh saying 'lets never be like that, we'all just stay together forever' which makes me feel even more guilty), kids stuff, financial stuff. His parents want to book us a holiday for next year THIS WEEK. I either do it now, or potentially wait for another year... or two... or three trying to find the best time.

Any advice would be welcome

RueDeDay Sun 16-Oct-16 16:33:13

In my experience, the sooner the better. One it's over, there is no point in not ripping off the band aid. And the older the kids get, the longer they have been living in a dysfunctional family.

With the caveat that, for instance, Christmas Eve / the week before exams etc is not cool.

I hung on for a couple of years single handedly trying to save a dead marriage... I'm not sorry I did it, exactly, because I had to know that I tried everything I could, but at the same time I wish I had of wised up sooner.

hermione2016 Sun 16-Oct-16 20:10:04

Don't allow holidays to stop a separation.Saying to your in-laws you won't go on holiday actually sends a message life will be changing.

You dont need agreement to divorce.You just decide and do it.All other events fall into the plan.

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