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(11 Posts)
user1474319834 Sat 15-Oct-16 12:13:48

I recently caught out my husband having an affair it had only been going on for a couple of weeks the ow is my family cleaner she also used to clean for me she is good friends with my mother in law she knows my life and I feel she fancied a bit of it. Since I caught him he came back for a week but I lost it with him as he has broken my heart, he has since been seeing the other woman every night, the last couple of days he has been round as I have been really ill with the shock of it all he tells me he loves me and feels so confused as he is now fond of the other woman next week he is going on holiday with our daughter and some of our friends which I also was meant to be going on he says he needs to clear his head !!! How do you react to this nightmare I have been with him 15 years I know I should not take him back but that is a lot easier said then done I want those two relationship to finish as she is also not his type the complete opposite to anything I would imagine in fact I once asked him if he thought she was pretty his reaction was no she is a dog !! Please help me xx

ChristinaParsons Sat 15-Oct-16 12:21:33

Do you have a friend you can talk to?

user1474319834 Sun 16-Oct-16 19:20:29

Yes luckily I have a fantastic net work but I feel disgusted by his actions sad

andintothefire Sun 16-Oct-16 19:54:34

To be honest, I would feel well rid of any man who described another woman as "a dog".

hermione2016 Sun 16-Oct-16 20:21:47

The shock of the betrayal is still there so just take some time to recover.

How old is your daughter? Why is he still going away with her? Can you go instead?

Don't blame ow, you have no idea what he told her.
The fault lies with him.

I firmly believe he has to feel the loss of your marriage for him to change.He has had to emotionally detach to have an affair.You don't rebuild that attachment quickly, he has to go through the feelings of loss.

user1474319834 Sun 16-Oct-16 22:24:40

My daughter is 10 the holiday was his booking and my solicitor advised me to let her go for the week. I will blame both of them the ow knows us all she is as weak as him he has told her he was unhappy in the marriage wish he had told me before he rushed and met the first woman that would put out that quickly !!
I feel there was some problems but not enough to warrant this i really thought out marriage was for life he even told me he never thought he would leave me...
These relationships that are based on affairs and get caught out so quickly surely cannot last ???

user1474319834 Sun 16-Oct-16 22:34:59

You should see her 😂😂

Marilynsbigsister Sun 16-Oct-16 23:03:15

I think you need to think about what you really want OP.!it sounds like you don't really want him back but more than that, you don't want this woman to have him. It's extremely naive to think that people who have affairs don't have lasting relationships. How do you imagine the majority of second marriages happen. My own 2nd marriage began through an affair more than 13yrs ago. (But his wife was also having an affair and she is also now married to OM)
Try and get some counselling just for you. To explore the way forward for you.

user1474319834 Mon 17-Oct-16 12:26:30

Happy your affair worked out but I want my husband back that's all

jeaux90 Mon 17-Oct-16 20:49:55

You might be better posting this in relationships op. More traffic there and lots of people with advice on the things that you sound like you need.

Trifleorbust Wed 19-Oct-16 06:23:56

I wouldn't take someone back who was prevaricating and telling me they are now 'fond' of the other woman. That's code for 'I have no intention of ending this, but I think I would be more comfortable at home/still married/not having to divorce and split my income/seeing the children/having my meals cooked for me'. Plus, I agree with pp that a man who describes another woman as a dog isn't worth it.

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