Am I in an abusive marriage?
I think I know the answer but I just need some outside help and support.
We have 4 kids and have been married for 12yrs. Am a sahm/work from home part time in his family business, he pays me a nominal wage.
He insisted I gave up work when we had kids and I agreed as I wasn't particularly in love with the job I was in at that time - god, how I miss it now.
Some instances and examples.
•I'm on anti depressants for PND and anxiety. When I told him he said "why are YOU depressed? You don't actually do anything or have anything to be depressed about"
Nothing I do is credible to him. What I watch on telly is 'crap' even though he never sits down to watch it and I watch a wide range of mainstream stuff. If I read, I'm 'lazy'.
The house is never up to his standard even though he won't lift a finger to help. If the house is noticeably tidier (to him😏) he asks if I've had cleaners or my mum round (never had anyone else clean the house and he knows that) He's never cooked me a meal in the 15yrs we've been together. NEVER ONCE!
•Regularly encourages the kids to be mean or awkward towards me. E.g. At the start of this week I had had a minor vomiting episode (I've put it down to a 24hr bug or something) and was exhausted. The house was on an even keel and the kids were fed so I took the opportunity to have a nap whilst the kids watched telly. When he found out he told the kids they had his permission to throw a cup of water on me if they caught me sleeping again.
•He has a fixation on being 'too old for that'. E.g. I'm too old for Facebook now I'm into my early thirties. I'm too old to go out dancing with my friends. I had to fight to be let on a girly weekend even though I'd sorted childcare out myself and we could easily afford it. He used to be really funny about me going out on my own but he has got better about it over the years. If we go out together he's so socially awkward that I feel I have to babysit him all night. He has little in common with my friends or their partners and is often really derogatory about them once we get home.
•I have no control over the house at all. He pays the bills. He has a credit card that I am simply a named cardholder on. He scrutinises the bill and asks for receipts. He never tells me off for spending as I only really put household shopping and stuff for the kids on it but he can get arsey if he deems stuff unnecessary. Everything is in his name so if anything breaks etc, I have to wait for him to get around to ringing up about it. We don't have a joint account and he won't really discuss with me how much we have in savings (I know we're comfortably off due to him being self employed and a well established family business) he has claimed for it not to be feasible to buy the things I believe we need for the house yet produces a few grand at a days notice when he decided on a job that 'needed doing.'
We own our home and it's in our joint names.
•sex is shit, he's quite selfish. If he's in the mood I literally have to fend off his advances and get really firm and very direct. Sometimes I give in for an easy life and I'd never use that word but there's been times when he just won't let it drop. He even once said that I ought to be glad he still finds me attractive.
I know I'm going to probably get a few LTBs and I've recently come to the conclusion that that is what's coming next but how do I do it? I have no money of my own and he holds all the cards. It'll kill his parents, who I adore. And two of our children a very sensitive souls - any separation is going to knock them for six, I just know it.
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Divorce/separation
I'd like some advice please, EA and preparing to drop a bombshell.
45 replies
KateLivesInEngland · 17/09/2016 00:30
OP posts:
OhMrsQ ·
17/09/2016 02:49
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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