This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
I've had enough(11 Posts)
I currently feel very depressed, exhausted and just want out.
Been married to DW for 3 and been together for 7 years. Sex life has gone down drastically over the years.
I've made several efforts, expensive holiday, nights away etc to try spend more time but it's just not there anymore. DW is aware of what's going on and sometimes out of the blue she comments on how she knows we've not spent time etc and she's busy and will make it up blah blah!
We both work full time. I suggested her going part- time but she's not having it, though she did agree we would still be okay financially if she worked part time given what I currently earn.
As I type we are currently in a hotel miles away from home. She's asleep in bed and I'm starting to regret coming all the way, it's like she's too lazy to make any effort.
We have a beautiful daughter. We're both from broken homes and she knows I don't want same for our kids. I thought things were improving when we started to get intimate 4 months ago + trying for second child but soon as she was positive she wasn't up for it anymore. If I wanted to be a sperm donor I'd register with one of those donor site and donate. I miss my wife and I know she's perfectly fine but often times just can't be bothered.
She did admit she's been lazy in bed and was going to try do more when we had a frank discussion about a year ago. I'm just currently very sexually frustrated and need female touch.
Is there any hope here? I'm 31 and still very physically fit and active, In fact very high testosterone levels and just can so this anymore. Anyone here going through same?
Have you tried suggesting you go part time and do all (and I mean all) the things you thought she would do when you thought she might go part time?
I'm a software developer and used to work from home. She came off maternity leave when DD was 3 months old, so I did everything except supper. I could still work from home if I wanted to, but I felt DW did take me for granted a little bit while I was working from home. It was quite hard for her to realise I still had targets, deadlines etc. So she doesn't do anything I don't or have never done, In fact I still do more and I feel she doesn't want to go partime simply because she thinks she'll take in more house chores. I've reassured her that won't be the case.
You haven't answered my question. Have you suggested you going part time to support her career instead of her going part time to support yours?
I felt DW did take me for granted a little bit while I was working from home. It was quite hard for her to realise I still had targets, deadlines etc.
And yet you actually took time to type the words " it's like she's too lazy to make any effort."
You are taking her for granted and assuming your career is more important than hers. It is quite hard for you to realise that she has targets, deadlines etc. It's like your too lazy to make any effort for her.
No offence intended here, but ur not making sense! I earn more & going partime make no financial sense. I could work from home, but I did in the past and it didn't work. It did not make any difference! Can you read?
My career is not above my marriage neither is her's.
I encouraged her to go back and do a degree five years ago. I was earning less at the time and I had to take a second job working in a bar on weekends to support us. She never thought she'd get the job she currently has, I "pushed" and encouraged her to apply. I found the job on reed and initiated her application. This is not about mine or her career!
I'm not here to argue
She's pregnant (I think?) and asleep and you interpret that as her being too lazy for sex?
i applaud her for not sacrificing a career she loves by going part-time - which is often the death knell for promotions and puts you at head of queue for redundancies. It sounds like she will be single soon and needing to stand in her own two feet. She's very wise not to risk her professional career by going part-time.
And sexually frustrated?! Masturbation isn't difficult.
I'm not here to argue
Ok, then, are you here to be told you're awesome? Because you show absolutely no insight about why she's exhausted. You've got annoyed with me for saying things about you that you have said about her, and you wonder why she's annoyed with you.
Many women are less interested in sex during pregnancy and while parenting small children. You know that is totally normal, OP? It is partly
Because of the hormone changes and partly because of extreme exhaustion and partly because of phisiological/emotional changes.
Supportive husbands take over as much of the house work/ night waking a with toddler / nursery runs/ cooking and laundry as possible. They don't to this to get sex, but because it's the right thing to do. They don't undermine their wives career by telling them to go part time for the good of the marriage.
And decent human beings don't expect someone who doesn't want to have sex to have sex with them. That's what rapists do. Non consensual sex is rape. Coerced sex (such as sulking to get her to give in) is rape. If she doesn't want to have sex it doesn't matter that you're married or that you're in an fancy hotel or that you feel frustrated. Trying to persuade her is wrong. Make sure you don't stray anywhere near that line, OP.
Hey OP. Is your wife pregnant? I found the first trimester exhausting and just wanted to sleep. I think some people are misinterpreting your post, it's sounds like you are trying to be supportive etc but really all you can do is just tell her you miss the physical intimacy and can you work on it together but if she is in the first trimester then just leaver her alone ok? Have a wank and maybe just be affectionate and close. Good luck X
Please login first.