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Divorce/separation

What information will my solicitor need?

5 replies

Stinkray · 09/09/2016 20:15

I separated from H earlier this year after years of difficulty and unhappiness. I now know he was emotionally abusive but for a long time I tried to 'fix' things thinking the problems lay with me. We agreed to a two year separation but he has just served me with divorce papers citing unreasonable behaviour. I was keen to avoid this as I would prefer to put the unhappiness behind me and not rake it all up again, but needless to say I could have written a book on his unreasonable behaviour if I had wanted to. I have arranged to see a solicitor next week and have been trying to write some things down but I'm finding it difficult to focus as I tend to get a bit lost in the difficult memories. Please can anyone give me an idea as to what information the solicitor will require? Thank you.

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Stinkray · 09/09/2016 20:21

Sorry I should have added I was bought out of our shared property and have moved into rented accommodation. There are two children of primary school age and we share care roughly 50:50.

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MrsBertBibby · 09/09/2016 21:54

The most helpful thing you can do is to summarise the money stuff: figures for the house, what other assets there are. Did you get advice about the buyout? Have you had any kind of disclosure from him? Do either of you have pensions? Are you earning, getting any benefits, (inc child benefit).

Make sure the lawyer knows he was abusive. TBH, the solicitor is unlikely to want to spend ages going through the gory details, we usually want the bare bones of that stuff, and concentrate on the finances, and getting you sorted for the future.

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Stinkray · 09/09/2016 23:08

Thank you very much, that's really helpful. I didn't really take advice about the buyout, I was so relieved just to escape the scene of so much unhappiness I think. I assume that the house was the only asset, I have no idea of his salary and pension (other than knowing he has one). I work part time so that I can be available for school runs, holidays and any days of due to illness. I claim child and working tax credits. I have a pension from a reasonably long career I was made redundant from and a very small one in my new job. Thank you for your reassurance that there won't be too much need of gory details.

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GinBunny · 09/09/2016 23:18

Stinkray, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I saw a solicitor yesterday following the discovery of my husband's affair so I hope I can help you.
The solicitor was very practical. He explained how divorce works and the separate issue of finances. The divorce itself is a paper exercise to legally end your marriage. To be honest, in his words, the reasons behind it are just for the rich who have the money to pay solicitors to try and blame the other, they mean little to the outcome of the divorce itself. What matters is the negotiation of the separation of finances.
You are feeling hurt, and I get that, but I agree with what Bert has said, the details mean little to the solicitor. If you cannot agree a financial settlement then they may help the court decide for you, but if you have your finances in hand (which it seems?) then it doesn't matter so much.

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Stinkray · 10/09/2016 00:04

Thank you very much Ginbunny, that's really helpful. I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time, I really appreciate your reply.