I have been married for 13 years in which has been a turbulent relationship. We have 3 DC. There has been physical violence in the past, emotional abuse, threats and although it's been a hell of a long time coming, I finally plucked up the courage to tell him last week when I was away that I wanted out.
He was in agreement that we had reached the end of the road and moved out his stuff from the family home before I returned. Whilst I certainly know that there is no road ahead (I just don't love him anymore), he spent the best part of two hours on the phone this morning telling me how he has done all he ever could and more to get the family where it is today. He told me he had plans to buy me a brand new car, that he had been finding a family holiday for us and that he was prepared to drop everything last week and fly out to try save the marriage.
Two years ago I contacted the police due to DV and took out a court order but mediation/family involvement meant that we gave things another try, but to be honest, nothing has improved. I am fed up of the constant jibes, belittling, anger, feeling of no worth. He leads a very relaxed lifestyle going out to see friends at least 4-5 nights a week because to be honest, I've never done anything to try keep him at home. I've always been happier when he hasn't been there.
To get to my point- the cars, holidays, new home, money etc don't bother me in the slightest. We had nothing when we got together but we were happy, because that's all we knew. He is making me feel ungrateful and selfish for not appreciating 'all he has done' and the decisions he has made for the family. He says if he didn't love me, it wouldn't have done any of it. I just can't get out of my head the times I've been hit, spat at, sworn at and shouted at being called names. I feel as though he is brainwashing me, and more than anything, I feel emotionally drained.
He tried to turn the tables to tell me that once the kids have grown up, help in the form of money from the government will stop, I will struggle and be left with nothing and the kids won't want to know me because he will provide more than enough for them. Why do I feel as though I have been emotionally blackmailed to the point that I am actually questioning if I'm doing the right thing?
I have no surviving family and his are overseas. I feel very alone and isolated
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Divorce/separation
Emotional abuse- starting to think I'm wrong
5 replies
fivetosix · 07/09/2016 18:10
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