Why does he get to be okay while i get so much worse?

(6 Posts)
user1468521702 Tue 23-Aug-16 00:56:54

About a month ago i found out my ex was lying to me and getting my 5 year old daughter to lie to me for over a year, after alot of arguments and talking we decided to try and keep things civil for the sake of our kids but now im really struggling to let him take the girls, i dont trust him anymore and while im sat at home crying and worrying hes playing happy families n im really struggling with it. Im trying my best not to be selfish but i just want him to go away and leave me and my girls alone. I would never stop him from seeing his kids but i cant help but try and stop him, i dont know what to do next cos its been over a month now n i still dont feel like i can trust him

TendonQueen Tue 23-Aug-16 01:01:07

It'd never be good that he got your daughter to lie to you, but it probably makes a difference to know what kind of lie it was, what it was about.

Have you gone through mediation or any formal process to decide on the way contact happens? How often does he see them now?

Is there a friend you could talk it all through with? flowers

user1468521702 Tue 23-Aug-16 01:06:26

we were sleeping together for a long time after we broke up and as i thought me n him were going to give it another go, i get told hes had a girlfriend for over a year who he had introduced to my kids and he was cheating on her with me.
we've not as he refuses to go n thinks i should just get over it.
he has the girls 3 times a week
Not really, i have some family but they all have alot going on n i dont want to burden them.

Mosseywossey Wed 24-Aug-16 00:44:48

Getting your children to lie to you is actually a form of emotional abuse. My friend fiancé ex wife made her children lie to social workers ect and they nearly had them taken off her.
Maybe talk to someone about where you stand.

Disappointednomore Mon 29-Aug-16 08:15:33

User14 I can empathise with you as my situation is almost exactly the same as yours. I have blocked my ex from my phones to give myself a chance to get over the lies and betrayal but it's difficult to see a way forward with regard to co-parenting and I don't want to deprive my DC of a father. Perhaps arranging drop offs etc through a third party. Please let me know how you're getting on OP

user1468521702 Mon 29-Aug-16 10:11:10

Things have been slowly getting better for now, i still don't trust him so its hard when he takes the girls. I asked for some time away from him but he refused to give me any, i asked if i could drop the girls off at his mums and he could pick them up from there instead but he's told his whole family that im lying and making up lies about me so they hate me now n dont want to see me. We've agreed that he no longer comes into my house and that he waits outside while i get the girls ready n that its just a hand over but im still really struggling to let them go. I understand you don't want to deprive your kids of there dad but you need to think of yourself as well, take as much time as you need until you feel strong enough to see him again

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